The goal of this site is simple, to find kindness in the world, and establish connection through the act of clarity that comes with meditating on human connection and sobriety, peace, joy, and serenity.

This site is a tool to facilitate the act of seeing clearly, written by hands that used to serve misery.

Thank you, your compliment and reading this means the world to me, for explanation I have paranoid schizophrenia, narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar II-manic/depressive rapid cycling, depression, anxiety, hydrocepholus, narcissistic personality disorder suffering from alcoholism, drug addiction, alcoholic. with OCD and PTSD- was addicted to heroin, meth, crack, alcohol, cocaine, prescription pills. I am drug addict/alcoholic/dual diagnosis/ex-criminal/ex-homeless vagrant who is writing instead of committing crime on the street corners of this country or the voice of the drug epidemic screaming on here instead of tweaking and shooting heroin on a corner while holding a sign and waiting for my man.

Characters thus far



Damien de Soto

Rei Clearly

All characters are me, or my pen names, or my imaginary friends, or my split personalities, dramatized fictionalized, scape goats, captive in my mind.

A story for me, about things that I dream, but also happen in a reality that exists in my mind. Or cont. about the life of Damien, my future self.

Explanation: Fictional life of future self, because I am hurt, broken, and need fake reality to love me, more than I love myself. I am so alone right now, I need fake things. I am sorry.

I have been debating how to present this, now that I have revealed it again as fiction. I am an adult with paranoid schizophrenia, who created Misery for me as a reality that I exist in as future me, with my daughter Joy. Fiction or my hopes and dreams.

I am so glad you gave me this back Amanda, thank you.

Sometimes we need to do things for ourselves that may not make sense to others, take it or leave it.

I am sitting on my floor in a place that was given back to me. I am alone, but it is coming back to me..

I feel like crying because thank you, god. Let me just think about this because it makes me feel better. I am so sorry it does, it is lies I tell myself because I am so alone.

In this universe… I have people, or one, not no one.

I need that… I am sorry.

I am sitting on a floor in my house and transported back to Misery now.

I can pretend she is the next room if I want to. I don’t want to be alone anymore, please don’t let me alone anymore.

Misery Loves company.


I am sitting in a motel in Misery, crying on a dog bed, and my daughter is the next room, because I am insane and need this to be real but fake but real but fake.

I have spent the day crying because I don’t know what to do, I was alone because I was ignoring people I created to feel not alone. I am going to go back to pretending they are real.


I don’t have to commit suicide because I can deal just a little bit longer if I am allowed to have this because it helps me.


Misery loves company- a fictional life of a real person, who I am becoming more like.


I am sitting on a dog bed, and I can finally hear her breathing again, which means it is okay for her to be real again to me, because I am real but need the comfort of being unreal at night when I am so alone.


I love you Joy, you are real to me.


I can finally hear you breathing again, and it means my best friend didn’t kill you off in her imaginary life that is my life too, or a story about redemption.


Fiction- future manifestation-

She hasn’t talked to me all day, because I yelled at her, I yelled at her because I was having a bad day, and she was having a bad day, I spent the day alone, sitting around feeling sorry for myself.

I am real, Joy is not, but joy is real to me. So Joy can be real for now, because otherwise I might die alone, because I can’t deal, you don’t have to understand, just let me have this…


She touches my shoulder and I am alright for a second. She walks into the next room and I can hear her breathing, and I thank everything in the universe that I am back in Misery with my fake life for now.

I am dying inside. I am so sad. I need something.

I like someone being in the next room. Please come back,

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