I no longer know what the goal of the site is, I write horror fiction, and love letters to myself.

This site is a tool to facilitate the act of seeing clearly, written by hands that used to hurt myself.

Explanation: I am Damien, I speak to my split personality Amanda. I am two people in love with each other, and I am okay with that now.

I have paranoid schizophrenia, narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar II-manic/depressive- rapid cycling, depression, anxiety, hydrocepholus, narcissistic personality disorder suffering from alcoholism, drug addiction, alcoholic. with OCD and PTSD- was addicted to heroin, meth, crack, alcohol, cocaine, prescription pills.

I am drug addict/alcoholic/dual diagnosis/ex-homeless person.

Characters thus far

Joy

Diane

Damien de Soto

Rei Clearly

POV EXPERIMENTAL ALLEGORICAL POETIC METAPHOR FICTION

First person

Blog post style

Dark horror fiction

Through dark horror fiction I rake the muck of the lives of street addicts.

Or in plain English this is an epic poem/novel about addiction told about low bottom addicts in horror style.

NSFW: A Satisfaction derived from getting clean not getting off, or getting off a horse

Explanation: This post uses getting off of a horse as a metaphor for getting of heroin, because horse is one of the names addicts call heroin on the street but also because it makes you a passenger in your life instead of one who can stand on his own two feet.

Trigger Warning: If discussion of drugs/addiction/alcoholism/drug use triggers you please turn back now.

EXPLICIT CONTENT

________________________________________________________________________

I am no longer a passenger in my own life, no longer taking a back seat, no longer on a runaway horse. I am becoming something I had no idea I even had it in me to be, a human being, with a life, and friends, and human feelings who is accountable to the world in ways I never thought I could be.

I derived satisfaction, in previous years only from substances, a chaotic passenger, prone to riding runaway trains, or riding on the back of a horse, thinking myself its master. I have come to realize it was the reverse, and that horse is no longer riding in me, on me, or within in me. I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life, because before this I have never even known what that word means, I derived satisfaction from things that in the very nature of what they are, are not capable of providing the thing I thought I used to think I was attaining, this explains the chaotic chase of horses and dragons that has been my existence on this planet.

I walk through life now, elated, at peace and reinstated in a reality that is the most satisfying thing I have ever known, because it is real, and I derive satisfaction now from being a good person whenever I can, which comes from something that gives me strength to do so-

everyone around me

the earth-the air, the water, the ground

and the simple rewards of waking up every day and trying my hardest to be better.


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