I no longer know what the goal of the site is, I write horror fiction, and love letters to myself.

This site is a tool to facilitate the act of seeing clearly, written by hands that used to hurt myself.

Explanation: I am Damien, I speak to my split personality Amanda. I am two people in love with each other, and I am okay with that now.

I have paranoid schizophrenia, narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar II-manic/depressive- rapid cycling, depression, anxiety, hydrocepholus, narcissistic personality disorder suffering from alcoholism, drug addiction, alcoholic. with OCD and PTSD- was addicted to heroin, meth, crack, alcohol, cocaine, prescription pills.

I am drug addict/alcoholic/dual diagnosis/ex-homeless person.

Characters thus far



Damien de Soto

Rei Clearly


First person

Blog post style

Dark horror fiction

Through dark horror fiction I rake the muck of the lives of street addicts.

Or in plain English this is an epic poem/novel about addiction told about low bottom addicts in horror style.

The Smiling eyes of the joy reflecting world and the shadowy eyes of the despised who lay in the shadows

We cannot be you. We can’t do what you do. We can’t un-see what we have seen, no matter how many joyous reflections you show, we are not being mean, we are not trying to make sad, we are not trying to take your right to be glad, we are simply driven mad by padded rooms and death coming soon that we fled in cover of night, with biting mouth that held so tight, so do not ask me I cannot say anything that makes you happy stay.

I had a life you did not know, I know I chose to make it so, but I am not trying to take your gladness, I just simply exist in world of sadness. I cannot relate to you and I am sorry. I am not trying to make you cry hotly. I am just simply not like you, and I do not know what I can do, to show you no matter what you say.

The parts that make me, me will not go away.

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