Dear God,

Thank you for my dad. I don’t know if I would be able to make it through this period of time it wasn’t for him, or at least not comfortably make it through. He has been one of the most supportive people in my life during my recovery. I remember I used to count on my mom more for things, but they were all negative. Her lack of attention to what and how I am doing was an asset when all I wanted to do were bad things. I don’t feel that way anymore. I don’t want to be around someone who will support or justify drug or alcohol use, and there is a sort of freedom in that, to not be chained to a substance that makes me desire toxicity.

I want to become more confident. I such low self-esteem from all the years of verbal abuse I put myself through with my horrible choices in relationships. I used to make connections with people only in a transactional way, my dealers were my friends, my using buddies were my friends, people I panhandled were my friends.

I am trying to find things to hope for now, goals to have that will begin to give some sort of purpose to my life. I desperately want to find where I fit into this world. I want to have some reason to get up in the morning that is not selfish, something that brings meaning to this world, even if it is in some small way. That is what I think I got back to writing on here, if one person can gain even one speck of knowledge from the experiences I describe on here, my life will have a little bit more meaning.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen