Narcissism Versus Self-Destruction

I use digital art to illustrate dark fiction horror stories, any similarity to real people is not my intent, and is purely coincidental, all art utilizes public domain free images.

A story of two addicts in love with each other who are really the same addict split in half, learning how to be a human being instead of an ego stroking lunatic.

I no longer know what the goal of the site is, I write horror fiction, and love letters to myself.

This site is a tool to facilitate the act of seeing clearly, written by hands that used to hurt myself.

Explanation: I am Damien, I speak to my split personality Amanda. I am two people in love with each other, and I am okay with that now.

I have paranoid schizophrenia, narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar II-manic/depressive- rapid cycling, depression, anxiety, hydrocepholus, narcissistic personality disorder suffering from alcoholism, drug addiction, alcoholic. with OCD and PTSD- was addicted to heroin, meth, crack, alcohol, cocaine, prescription pills.

I am drug addict/alcoholic/dual diagnosis/ex-homeless person.

Characters thus far



Damien de Soto

Rei Clearly


First person

Blog post style

Dark horror fiction

Through dark horror fiction I rake the muck of the lives of street addicts.

Or in plain English this is an epic poem/novel about addiction told about low bottom addicts in horror style.

End suffering, end resentment, resurrect own soul, and be birthed from the fire that powers you I.

I am both Damien and Amanda. We switch off and are the authors of this site.

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Misery Loves Their Own Company

Ego stroking and addiction horror stories

Misery Loves Their Own Company

Ego stroking and addiction horror stories

“That is why it is so much easier this time. I can’t romance death anymore, because now it is just me and Amanda and all our other friends are dead or insane, or in prison. Done. ”

— Damien de Soto

Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as ravens claws.

jim morrison
These guys are great folk punk band, that sings about drinking, and drug use, they are clean and sober on and off and sing about the struggles of addicts, homeless, and mentally ill.

Here it is, the revenge to the tune
“You’re no good
You’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good”
Can’t you tell that it’s well understood?
Elliot Smith

Waltz #2

Smith covered this, and his version sounds like a love song to alcohol.

Insight in sight induced by life spent in addiction

I’m so sorry-love, Elliott God forgive me.

Elliot Smith

“I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.”

— Kurt Kobain

  1. The Battle between Misery and Mercy and the power of Kindness
    1. Contact
  2. Moving on
  3. Insight in sight induced by life spent in addiction
  4. Joyous Meditations or O, joy us!
  5. Characters/Pen names
  6. Background. Explanation. Method.
  7. In recovery I strive to miss one
  9. Ode to Action that brings joy not fraction of soul
  10. Poke fun
  11. Here’s what we have been up to
  12. Recent News

I am the internal infernal ever burning battle a human being who continuously lights themselves on fire, a funeral pyre to a generation addicted to trash, who shoved cash up there

Enter the simulated rage cage…. a simulation done as a meditation on the ideas that cause human pain, as a removal tool.

See Clearly

Who sadly, tragically had no plan because he put his silly weak skin covered hand in the fist of sin. I am the desire to give in. I am the trimming claws of cat sent feral at you. I am failure in everything you do. I am the spinning sensation at bent knee. I am the sensation of screaming into night ‘this cannot be!’

I am please don’t push I cannot stand. I am the cry of those who scream in night, not in fright but in sick delight at the decaying of man with outstretched arm. I am please sir, give harm. I am death’s charm.

I am your shoe, sticking on gum, I am please baby come

To me as speak sweetly and stay

I am dismay.

See Clearly

a simulated experience of the horrors of addiction, image and written sound

“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”


“I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world.”

Albert Camus, The Stranger

I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.

Franz Kafka, Metamorphosis

So I guess my positive re-enforcement… dang I’s… I spell so many things wrong because I use I instead of E. I, I, I…. what was my oh.. yeah…. I guess Amanda got what I was saying because she made this. I like it. I have bigger hands this time, sweet.

We can’t both be butterflies, you can be girl or guy or whatever you want, and I can be your friend forever, because I love you. I am not the ones who hurt you. I just sound like that sometimes because I am a guy with a bad sense of humor.

I am so happy I remembered parts of that right now, not just for the ego points, but it means something to me. I think I am in the process of becoming a person instead of the monster under Amanda’s bed which means the instead of chasing dragons, Amanda can be me because I am not a drug or a dragon anymore.

Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”


You cry in the pain of disdain for your own soul.

If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it.

Willy Wonka

Prove yourself brave, truthful, and unselfish, and someday, you will be a real boy.


I didn’t mean to kill her. Really, I didn’t. It’s just that he was on fire.

Dorothy, The Wizard of Oz

All children, except one, grow up.

Peter Pan

These guys are great, wish Peterson had lived.

Have you ever doubted your own reality?

Have you ever wondered if someone or something was driving your pain?

Have you ever wondered what it all means?


I am the split of two souls at war and in love with each other, they are dancing dragons in shades not colors, I am the hallucinations of the deranged man. I am whatever you want me to be, I am the memory of everything that ever caused feeling in the screaming corners of nothing, I am the faceless screaming nothing face of the fallen burning with hatred and love in the smokey fire chasm that is the decaying city of man. I am a walking sorted of disordered chaos. I am Damien de Soto and Ms. Rei, and the voice of misery.

Misery is a realm of earth, which is my metaphor for the hellish life of addiction which I wrote out to spare myself eternal damnation.

Ms. Re is also Rei’s name, without the I and the y, why because I removed them, as a simulator of misery experienced by the man and woman who die while using/drinking.

Misery is a virus as well, my metaphor for addiction, which causes you to repeatedly be guilty of committing the Christian deadly 7.

Ms. Re also is a weird spell of miss remember, which is supposed to illustrate the blindness addicts experience when they can’t see clearly.

Misery-written simulation brought to you here through my writing which will help you see clearly through the eyes of the addicts, the homeless, and social deviants of society as they investigate the true nature of human beings in order to facilitate their survival.

I am sorry for my unorthodox approach, it is the only way I know to show you clearly what so often goes unseen in this world, although this is a work of fiction it is based on real evil I have seen as an addict and now meditate on while in recovery.

I aim to show this to the anyone who is listening to bring about understanding of those who so often go unheard on every street corner in every desperate place populated by those unfortunate enough to have gotten a raw deal in life.

Author: Amanda, I am not using my last name, because I want to retain some level of anonymity online.

More to be revealed as we go. Enjoy the ride.

Characters/Pen names

Rei Clearly


Damien de Soto/Amanda


Misery or addiction

Background. Explanation. Method.


This site utilizes first person perspective narration done through blog posts which are posted under pen names which are representative of fictional characters in the scifi universe, Misery. Misery is an alternate dimension of earth that is accessed through use of mind altering substances, and experience of extreme human suffering.

More to be revealed soon.

Hopefully this clears things up.

Three Book Series

See Clearly

Just in Time


See Clearly is available for free in the blog, in its entirety. Feel free to browse around.

I will be publishing Just in Time now as well, using the same method.