That is why I have hardly been online today. I went to the hospital yesterday for deblitating anxiety, that is still extremely bad right now. It kind of feels like a continuous panic attack, which for someone who has not experienced that, for me, it feels like I am on a roller coaster about to go down a huge incline and I just never go down.
It is really annoying, and has made it so I feel like I am going to flip out all day. I think part of it is because of what happened yesterday, and just a build up of not being able to be honest my whole life about the whole thing, and then just latent PTSD, and worry about having to end up back in the hospital for anything relating to the hydrocepalus or nerve pain associated with my hands.
The short story of all that, is I constantly feel like my life is about to fall apart, which feels like I am standing in a house and the ground is about to fall out from under me. I think a lot of that is from trauma, and being better at being traumatic situations than dealing with the peace of life now.
I finally have gotten up the emotional ability to type this on here. I realize that through the beauty of the community on the internet, there are some people who may worry about me if I completely disappear, or that might all be something I think because of my inflated ego… meh.
There it is regardless….
I hope if nothing else, that this may be interesting backstory to the content of this site, and my whining and moaning about what may seem like nothing. I have a lot of issues, and am working them out in publiv on here, to increase awareness, and because I found support on this blog community.
Thank you to all those who have helped me on here. It means the world.