There is someone there, who has bad intentions, because they are simply there, and everyone has bad intentions.

There is someone there, and I don’t like them, because they have bad intentions, because everyone has bad intentions.

I am afraid of myself.

I am afraid of being back in padded rooms, which I have been in before.

I am afraid that whenever you help me, it is one step away from the constraints on my arms to help myself.

Control myself, accept the things I can’t change…

I ruined my own life, and I am trying to fix it, and people are trying to help me, stop ripping their heads off with words.

I think everyone is out to get me, because I am an idiot, or that is what it feels like sometimes… both of those things alternating not simultaneous, never simultaneous, unfortunately…. not yet at least. I can never remember when under insane delusion, that I am prone to insane delusions and that as much as it seems like people are out to get me…. just realized why my ex’s hated that wording… they are not out to get me..

That kind of sucks.. because now I have to admit I was ***hole fighting the universe my whole life. I did the right thing and apologized, and it was very humiliating.

Peace.

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I am an adult child

I think it is hilarious that every time she leaves, she asks me if I am going to flip the **** out and hallucinate some insane thing and ruin her life, while also simultaneously destroying my own. I am saying this now, because I realized it is actually funny, and not a reason for me to hate her or myself.

Are you afraid of the boogeyman, and will you be okay while I leave?

I am an adult, yes.

What about all the other times?

****

GET OUT. NSFW.

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I would rather cut out both my eyes, so I can’t see to organize than I would do what you say with my stuff, I’ll throw it out, now go away.

I rather do that than hear your voice, telling me where to put it, like it it’s your choice. I do not need your help. I do not care, what you say about where to put what away.

It’s a mess, and I don’t care, what you say, and will not put that there. I don’t want advice, just to be left alone, give me back my stupid old phone. It has stuff on it that like, and yes it works, and I know I have two, but I do not want to deal with you, so get out now, go away.

It’s a mess because I am too, and I don’t want to deal with you, and will not listen to what you say, so throw it out and go, scram, stray.

Are you superstitious?

Yes, clearly.

I felt better as an internet serial killer, that was my version of The Punisher,

I live in fear of being happy, because I don’t want anything good because having things you want makes it so you can take them away from me. I don’t even want it to begin with damn it. Take it!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ll show you how much I don’t want it. I will make you all get away from me!

That is why I act the way I do. I am literally a child having a hissy fit, and I realized this today.

I never learned how to deal with things like an adult, so I am going through it now.

Sorry for the continuous explanation, I am explaining it to myself, really.

See Clearly,

Finally looking in the mirror.

Damien

What is the last thing you learned?

I owe you the sun, the moon, and the stars for being someone who attacked you when you were just trying to help me.

Damien de Soto, last night ***

What does that even mean? Last before what? Last thing before sleep? The last thing before bed yesterday? Last thing I allowed myself to be taught? The last thing I learned in general?

Is this up to interpretation? Is that why it is phrase this way?

What the heck? I don’t get it.

You really think you are better than everyone else don’t you?

Who said that?

You. Just now.

No, I didn’t. And no I don’t.

Yes, you did, it is up there said, by me. That is how…

That is not how that comes across, I was asking for clarity.

You were pointing out a flaw with the question to avoid answering because you are used to being held somewhere under a light and asked questions about drunk or high behavior by police.

This is not a cop asking me this.

Then what is the last thing you learned?

Before bed? I’ll take it that way, which is the only way I can take it.

Yeah?

I learned I am lucky and grateful that I have been gifted the ability and chance to do anything at all because I have lived a life of selfishness and deserve none of this, only being granted it by the grace of God or my higher power.

Thank you, good answer.

That was easy, and rewarding.

Yeah, I know.

Nice mental pat on the back.

I know that too.

Jerk.

Noted.

I speak in words, in heart I rumble, you disgusting wench who reeks of fear, you crying *^%#, drinking of shared beer, you think you’re smart but you are not, your just like him and smell of rot. You deceive yourself most of all, beckoning like a servant called, to man so weak he harvest souls, dug graves for men and woman folks, he killed your friends, your family too. He does this and then he’s done with you. You love him so, oh how great. Your pain will be to me a taste of heart and soul that is quiet rare, useless b**ch with such kind stare. I do not hate you, for you don’t matter, latter for death on silver platter, he is my servant don’t you see how you don’t even matter to me?

Amanda?

Help. This is intense.

Just don’t listen to it. It hates that. That’s why he talks all the time, to shout over its voice.

Just keep talking. It hates talking.