She spoke to me kindly, she spoke to me greatly, not with great understanding, but with great power, power with words and power over me, through my inability to understand her, and ability to panic over things beyond my understanding.

Belinda, Belinda, you were so great, so great

That my arrogance deprived us of the ability to relate, such a tragic shame, and I am only to blame.

---

I miss someone, I miss you, I don’t know you, but feel I do.

In the projected future, there is someone I miss right now, and I don’t know how I miss them, but I do. I dream of you, and like I said, I don’t know how.

You are not know to me, not right now.

You are made of star dust, you are in my dreams.

You are protected by time, or so it seems, because I am supposedf to be alone right now, and so are you, and I don’t know why, or maybe I do.

There is something a higher force is teaching me right now, and I imagine it is the same and also seperate for you, and I imagine the next time I am with someone or maybe the thousandth I don’t know, it will be different.

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Trigger warning: This is about drug seeking and effects on my ability to be confident in friendships I have, due to emotional immaturity. Drugs mentioned. Do not read if sensitive to this kind of thing.

For no particular reason, I am very sad right now, so I think about the particles in the universe, I think about pieces of sand, so tiny, and so together, part of a body of sand, and I long to be a particle of sand, that is part of something else, and never alone, but I am always alone now, and I am so sad.

I say no particular reason, but that is a lie, I know exactly the reason why I am alone, I chose this every time I used the phone to call someone to pack away all the feelings I have, everything I want to say with acquisition instead of inquisitive mission to know anyone but those who are on a mission, now I am in a peculiar position. I don’t know how to make friends, and I know I already have them, but I don’t know how to have them, I don’t know what to do next, so I am stuck in the land of anxious guess, addicted to pain, and in a land of washing rain, why can’t it wash away the stains on my damaged brain. I feel like I will always be insane.

In vein. In vain. In vein. In pain. Disdain. No more pain. Please send me soul cleansing rain.

I can still talk to you though we exist not in the same dimension, all the time at least, I visit you because I see you, you see me and you speak and I hear you because I listen. I listen to everything, to the mutterings of the under spoken word, to the shouting to mad dark night, to the words callously yelled into chaotic dark night, because they used to consume me, but they don’t anymore, because I realized I can cast them out on here.

I travel back and forth to Misery through my mind, and through others, who I see, stuck there, and they speak to me from there. I can see it in them speaking to me, speaking through them now, this came to me last night after a dream, I have been having strange dreams.

I am thinking that ghosts sometimes just want to be heard and are not used to being heard so say thing that they have always wanted to say very quickly and it is up to me to decode them because the universe is showing me them and them me for a reason, positive being the key over negative.

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and gray
Look out on a summer’s day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul

Don mcclean

Don McLean Starry Starry Night, Ode to Vincent Van Gogh

So now it happened during the day while I was awake enough to get my *** up and run with her, mind you I don’t know how the **** we did it. She was watching me, while I was on here, and I didn’t know it. I was posting things online for a friend of mine who I help manage her small business, she is an awesome woman. One of the best friends anyone could ask for. She also knows a lot about antiques and vintage everything. Anyway, so I am sitting here e·mersed in trying to find things, looking through other peoples written work, whatever… I don’t know and I can feel her looking at me, she has this eerie way of looking through me, as if she can see into my soul, and I got weird about it, made some sort of strange face, and I think we switched bodies for a second, you know like that stupid movie from the seventies not the movie with Lohan, but the original one?

Yeah, I remember, Damien.

Cool you heard me. I was freaking out so I thought it be nice to say hi.

Gotcha.

She looked at me and I felt her feelings, I felt how she was afraid in the same way I am afraid of her, that she was afraid of me, not liking her… that her introversion was my introversion and it was only a second, but I feel like I know her so much better, I trust her completely. She is like me 2.0, wow… narcissism…

Gross.

Later.

Damien.

I don’t care how freakin’ dorky this band is, I love hair metal, and I think they are awesome, and there is nothing anyone can say to change my mind because I am only talking to my own insecurity right now.

Got that one? Me neither. I forgot what I meant to. Moving on.

Ever have a dream that is really reality? Me too.

By me too, I am mean yes, and if you didn’t well then… stinks to be you?

You smell I mean.

That is mean.

Must cause scene.

Must cause seen.

GET OUT

This is getting easier.

Rei and Joy went to go photograph flowers growing naturally outside in the park. Amanda is going with her father who she forgave for her getting angry at him for being a human who didn’t like to see her sad.

Jab.

I know, I told him last night I was wrong too.

He appreciates it.

Done with you now.

Me too.

Not you, they.

No you too.