I find myself

Staring up at the sky a lot now, realizing how much time

I spent

Looking down

Meditating on ground and sensations of going down

Underneath the dirt and bugs, and now with embrace from the master of all space and time I am free to migrate up, and drink from cups of water again, and have friends and hands that are not my own, because I am free to own nothing and everything at once, in a state of sharing an existence in stance with a oneness that I do not even understand because I am not supposed to because I am one of many, and we are all one of one.

I love all of you.

Peace

Damien/Amanda

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I just got back from hanging out with my dad, and it is cool how different things are now that I am trying to makes things right, I talked to him about all the chaos that I caused, continue to cause because I am prone to delusions, and how sorry I am. I noticed that saying things like this keep me from drinking, keep me coming back to a place, where I can stop beating myself up and are making it possible for me to walk out of the woods where I kept taking the wrong path on purpose and falling in random holes because I thought I was going to find secret gold in rocks I found on the ground.

I think the metaphor for drug addiction and eating rocks and drinking poison instead of doing the simple thing of eating food and drinking water is hilarious. I can’t believe how much my thinking has changed. It’s funny I was convinced everyone is out to get me when this is more true…

Them

Meth

Same word re-arranged…

Item

Time

Same word re-arranged.

Heroin

Hero in pushed together it forms a drug

Divided it references a hero in me

Heroine with an everlasting e it makes me a hero for saving my own life.

Funny right?

Repeating phrase of mental malaise, do you like pain with your eggs?

No I like eggs with my legs, or pegs in my kegs. I like to drain drain drain

Pain down the drain drain drain so it doesn’t stain stain stain

Because I have a hole in my soul or sole because you can’t have a hole in a soul

I am unreal feeling, concealing an appealing revealing of

Narcissism revealed in a panicked attack on the idea of lack

Because I lack nothing I am the all powerful liar because I am not powerful at all

I am an exorcism of personal demons powered by alcohol

and DRUGS

I am the pain of face dragged across filthy rug

How is that staph infection treating you Damien/Amanda

or Human STAIN

I am in your brain and my name is stain, my name is sin. I come from within because you are corrupted

But you are not to be trusted. Listen to me, I am Damien/Amanda mentally ill but psycho active and free from misery or thee.

End

Slam

I have seen some **** that has changed my perspective, to acknowledge that there are truly divided forces that fight for misery versus mercy. I saw this in a callously formed Misery driven land that I don’t like to speak of that much on here, because it terrifies me, but I will tell you this, if you think that there are psycho evil worshiping cults out there, I saw them. I met them. I am terrified of them, they are insane, and driven by addiction to human suffering, sadism and masochism inflicted on lost souls. That is the reason for most of my change of heart of darkness.

The Horror, the horror!

Joseph Conrad

I have always believed in what I now display on here, I just kept it hidden even at times, to my own self, as I lived in denial and resentment that there are forces higher than me at play, being ever envious of the higher than me part, because I am an addict addicted to myself. I don’t want myself to be owed to anyone but me, but I can’t deny what I have came to know as true through it saving my life, because God or my higher power if you prefer the more secular term, is the only thing that explains why I am not dead, I have been kidnapped, held hostage, beaten, strangled, held at gun point, held hostage, and tortured, because I messed with the wrong people, and by mess I mean that I bought drugs instead of buying food.

I am standing up for myself on here, by saying it was God or my higher power that I can credit with the only reason I am alive, because “the horror, the horror”. I have once had someone lock me in a box. I was in there seven hours. I have had people give me sedatives that make it so I cannot walk in my drugs, so now I will never buy drugs from anyone ever again, except weed in the form of legal CBD.

I have been compelled to be sober, because I have started asking myself,

why does this person want me to be high so bad? What do they want?

This is what I tell my daughter, it is my reason for religious awakening, and my revamping of my whole life around anything positive.

I come to her in dreams, your baby, your sweet girl…. her hair I can make curl.

You are a wretched liar, addicted to Hell’s fire,

YOU ARE ATTACKING YOU
GET OUT VILE CREATURE SHOO

I will shoot you where you stand, you are made of sand, you filthy creature you, knowing not what you do.

Click me.

No. I know what you desire to do, I am not like you.

I am creature of shove.

I am sent from love.

I am hater of lack.

I am massive attack.

End. Song.

eklafnklnklrnaklnbrk

No she is not, you don’t kill, you torture, you are source of disorder and perpetual pain enforcer

You are a sorcerer of remorse on deadly course that needs interaction for satisfaction and I am not stupid anymore so I can stop rhyming because you are a sore on the

Screw you.

I am done.