I go fast.

I can go slow, but before breakfast, I need to

GO GO GO

Pick up fruits listed here…

List your top 5 favorite fruits.

I am a strawberry, I am a grape, I am a pineapple, I like to meditate, on things that make fruit sound funny, I am a fruit, that due to droughts costs lots of money. I am a kiwi, I am a cherry, and now five fruits I have listed and my post is so very

Over.

Or else hunger do I fear…

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I am the schism, of soul from body.

You make me happy

You make me sad

You make me angry.

I want you so bad.

I look at you, and I see us, look at you, you make me trust, that I was wrong, the whole **** time, you could be mine, you are so sublime, you are great, and I love you dearly, you are so beautiful, I speak sincerely.

I love you baby, you bring me joy, you are perfect, for you I am

Perpetually in love, you are morning dove.

Oh watermelon mixed drink, I loved you so, why oh why, did you have to go, and be bad for me, and ruin my life, I am so sad, it cuts like knife, in my liver, and makes me sick, but hold you tight still I wish, I could do it, but I can’t, I am an

Alcoholic, with no self-control, everything I touch, just eats my soul, I can be addicted to anything, even digging a hole.

I love everything about you, baby, so glad, so elated to have met you face to face, you are a creature of grace.

I am nothing, I am magic, I am an eye. I am a liar, I am crafter, I am wordsmith, I am an enchanter, I am the act of lying down, I am taking nothing standing. I am the idea of withstanding.

You are really ****ing arrogant.

Really, I had no idea.

That was great.

So am I.

Obviously.

I know, right.

I am full of hot air

Not a question?

Clearly, can’t you see?

***hole.

I once was green, but now am sad, because I am a drug addict and alcoholic, fantasizing about being hung over instead of sad, because that is better?

I am.. weird… I don’t get it either…

I am small, because fantasies of being hung over are insane;.

Excuses are small, which is why this is image is too, I re-colored it with narcissism, didn’t take the photo because I sold my camera for drugs.

I like green, but also blue, I like to change things, it is what I do.

Color me clearly, I am not her. I know you are not, but you once were, I am using someone else’s image, which is a metaphor within a metaphor within a meta for.

I don’t know what that means, but it sounded interesting. I don’t know what I am, but I sound interesting sometimes. I think.

I am blue, because I am sad, but that makes me uncomfortable, so let’s call it mad, or rage.

Fear. fear. fear.

Things you should not say while tripping or falling or tripping or falling.

I am everything that makes people not hear me.

I am screaming, get away from me.

If there are no people around, I don’t have to be something I am not, which is everything I am, or look like anyway.

The narrator hates themself.

You are the narrator too.

I am not responsible for what you do.

I am not responsible for you do either.

Addict. Addict. Addict.

Telling lies, telling lies, accountability, accountability, life of despise.

Staring at Nothing

I am with you, but I am also with no one, I hold onto you, but I am also holding onto nothing, forever staring into nothing at no one because no one is there at all, not you, not me, not her, not him, we forever exist nowhere, doing nothing, thinking about somewhwere else, that we are that is far away from where we are, that is nowhere, doing nothing, staring into nowhere, into nothing, projected forever and ever and ever.

I am green and glow in the dark.

I am a glow worm.

I am a day dream.

I am anything but myself.

I was never anyone, never anyone at all, I lived inside of someone’s mind, who was small, while I was not there at all. I am an invisible human being, while she is too, because, we are not real, or that is what we felt, and I don’t know what I feel now, I feel at least like I can write about this, to an audience I don’t know that well.

I used to write about this on MS Office and then delete it, step up, I guess.

Tragic Magic, Sewn back, sown back, shatter, scatter, patter, matter

Last, edits, again, scroll for another image without last edits.

I am melting, because my creator doesn’t care about anything at all, except their ego, really, clearly, so very clearly, ahahahhahahhahahhahahhahhah

I am you, I am you, I am you.

I am talking to you.

Cherries

You’re talking to me? Are you talkin’ to me?

Yes, I am actually?

Me?

No, me. Not Amanda, but to me.

I am talking to me, through an image of flower’s which I painted like a woman’s face, which I painted like flowers, on and on and on into a chaotic reflection of pure, ego stroking insanity

ahahahhahhahhaahhhahhahhhahhahhahahhahahhahahhahhahahhahahhahahhhahhahahahhahhahahhahhahahhaahahh

I have to go to the doctor, and I knew it and she didn’t and she is also me, so I guess I am just insane and talking to myself on the internet, and this post is mostly for me anyway, to yell at myself online.

Ahahahahhahahhhhahahahhaha

What?

I am just happy I realized this sooner than we usually do, because I am better at this than you.

***hole.

Facts.

Agreed.

Hey, lovely, is this poision or alcohol or tie die liquid?

Don’t call me lovely, ***hole.

But, you are……..so………..

You are such a lunatic.

I know. 🙂

Happy faces?

I like happy faces.

What?

I am not saying that again. So is that tie die liquid or booze, or some sort of multi-color drink or some kind of strange poison?

Aren’t poison, tie die liquid and alcohol all the same thing to me and you?

You’re point being?

That exactly.

So you were putting it there to kill me?

I was putting it there so you would throw it out the window. I am not good at throwing it out the window, I was thinking about it, and this helped me. I am sorry it didn’t help you.

I don’t like being helped, so I am trying to make it seem like you are the bad guy, so I can turn the whole thing on its head and be the good guy and it’s not working, so I will stop because I don’t care anymore.

Hahahahahhahahah. Check mate.

hahahhahahhha yourself.

Jails, instutions, death, is where I am free from, and no longer kept.

What place in the world do you never want to visit? Why?

I am not good at following rules,

Never been, never will be, a forever fool.

Never had a taste for being instructed what response to give, with neigh saying being the only way I live, addicted to perpetual fighting condescention

A way to fight my own sown rejection, inherent in everything I do or say, so I feared my whole life that one day I would have to stay, in institutions, jail or grave,

So I made the decision to my soul save, and put to rest the decision to run from place to place, and now I can say I am finally in a place where I fear no jail, instution, or grave situation, no longer existing in idealized fixation,

Instead in freedom do I currently live, so anywhere any place I am free to live.

Or I am an idiot.

I am a bird that lives alone.

I am a bird so I can’t answer a phone.

No longer do I ingest, in jest, to make it possible to live in dirty nest.

I fly alone.

Tossing and turning, because I was supposed to, being a punishment given to a child, by a vengeful adult, you, angry that I had things that you did not like charisma, and friends, just toxic enough to cut me down when you would not because you did not have enough.

The chaotic pacing of a mind lost in loathing, is what keeps me from going back, to the nights of continuous attack on my own soul. I do not miss it at all, no longer heading the call of the death siren.

I used to mispell serenity, sirenity, being obsessed with it coming from something other than me, having to be from someone other than me, because I believed in nothing higher than me, floating on cloud 9.

Now I am on the right side of the bed, and when I toss and turn, my soul is not churning with hatred or hate red or hate read into me, by you, because you can’t touch me anymore.

---

Ironic reminders from someone who just wrote a resentful poem…

I met a young person once, who I am not sure the age of, he was strange, he was completely blind, and carried around a walking stick, unable to admit it was because he had gone blind, he told me it was because it had magic powers.

You look familiar? Have I met you before?

I went with it, because what else was I going to do.

He told me that he could use electricity to make things levitate, and in the chaos of not sleeping for days on end, I almost believed him, crazy the things that lack of sleep do to the mind.

I am a rotating planet,

Not important, just overinflated with air

I am so self-important.

I don’t even care.

I am mossy, I am saucy

Are you really?

I am clearly, or I was.

Now I am the act of does not was.

I am rabbit, I am instated, no longer speaking, of being

ELATED.

But, you just did?

Yeah, I know…. you don’t know what it means to kid?

So you were kidding?

Surely was.

I am a child.

I hate television. I hate it. I don’t hate movies, I hate television. I like watching a movie and then turning the **** thing off, because I can’t hear anything with it on, which is why I think I have been fighting with Diane, she loves TV. She gets mad at me for talking to myself or talking over the TV or commenting on things she is watching, which is just talking to myself while she is watching, which I don’t realize she is doing, because when I am talking to myself, I am alone in my own world, that happens to overlap with the world because I have a human body, and am not just a drifting mind in space, which I think I am when I am doing this.

That is why I spend all my time in her basement.

Which annoys her, but what am I supposed to do, I have no self control, so I hid down here, where I can’t cause a problem.

So I fell down the stairs, and didn’t injure myself

I just almost fell down the stairs, because I always do things twice, even if I don’t want to because I have OCD and one for me, one for you, but I think that is no longer necessary because I almost fell down the stairs because of it, addict.

I like to do something till just before the point where it hurts me, or the point where it hurts me and I know not to do it again, because then it will really hurt me.

I think I used the wrong word. I do things that hurt me, and I know they will, but I am an addict and I think this time they won’t and that maybe I will do something different and experience a different kind of nicotine sensation, or maybe like always, I will almost fall down the stairs, from vaping.

I am day 99 not upside down

I just was talking to my Dad, about the ideas that I have expressed thus far on this site, and we both talked about what I think was revealed to me by the powers that be, or the powers that govern my existence because I believe in them, which is why I say often that people are free to believe what they want, and that I don’t mean to preach or say anything to dictate the beliefs of others.

I believe in what I believe in and it governs me because I myself assign meaning to it. I have placed a lot of faith in the universe punishing people for selfishness, and then done exactly what I think should be punished, insane right? I know.

I am going to stop self fullfilling my own damnations now.

Clearly See, See Clearly

Sight in the middle of Chaotic Self Assertion.

I hate myself, I hate my voice, I sound like a **** when I say anything, condescending **** when I say anything, and can’t do anything normal

Like drink water. I just almost choked on an ice cube… ****.

I drink everything like alcohol still…. doing ****ing shots of water with ice in it. Like it is going to work faster if I drink it in five seconds. What the ****????

I do the same thing with everything, must make everything painful, like just take sips of water when you are thirsty dumb ***

I have been courted all my life, to dance with loaded gun or held knife at my Neck, by myself, on a shelf, which of course is what I think because, baby I ****ing stink, I smell booze, in heart and soul, still drunk but dry, sometimes I know.

I reek of anger, creaking madness, rocking back and forth epic sadness, dark reflection, not staring at mirror, but bashing crashing and dying in epic fear.

I am loaded gun, I am dark resistance, I am tragic, insistence, that though I am dry, I am GOD. I am responsible for divining rod, punishing me, I am insistence on trying to be my own

Maker

Breaker

Soul forsaken, breaking me, tragically, beginning to see how epic my failure is.. or simply that I am an addict who needs a higher power.

Facts.

I went to the doctor and got the rest of my shots, hep a and b and am still taking my meds for staph infection, I am going to make a psych doctor appointment and get the rest of my health things in order, I have to see a nuerologist, because I have not done that since California. I am feeling so much better since I started living in reality, and not projecting my life into some strange fantasy where I feel so guilty about being a drug addict that I equate it to actually being the one responsible for hurting anyone. I did not realize till recently, how sad and messed up that is, and how it has ruined so many things for me, by my own self sabotage. I think I felt like being some violent social deviant was some how better than saying I was who I was because it made me feel like I had control over my life.

I have control over my life now without having to pretend I was hurting anyone. I was only hurting myself by putting all of that, the weight of all of that on my own shoulders, and making myself out to be some social deviant when I was just a sad addict who couldn’t handle admitting mistakes made because I felt that saying I messed up made me weak. Hurting people would not have made me strong. I am stronger admitting weakness, than living in some sick twisted Misery world where I hurt unsuspecting people who had nothing to do with my inability to accept myself.

I love all you guys who helped me see this. I am so sorry for anything I said out of lack of knowledge about what was really going on with me. I am trying to be better.

Love,

Damien

Where would you go on a shopping spree?

I am a lunatic, with no fear of consequences, it is called run through the store with cart, grab everything and then make them chase you out. It is also a good way to get banned from a lot of establishments. Kidding.

I am a lunatic, with no fear of consequences, it is called run through the store with card, grab everything and then make them chase you out. It is also a good way to get banned from a lot of establishments.

Heh. I make myself laugh. I just woke up to the universe playing a prank on me, there was an episode of one of those SVU kind of shows on about a guy who’s house burns down and there is 10 grand worth of fireworks in it. It was a hilarious way to wake up. Thank you universe. I love this prompt too.

I would go to a Walmart, Target, BJ’s or mall sort of establishment, that way I could grab a bunch of everything, and I would grab a bunch of everything. Expensive food, cheap junk food, random old toys for five year old kids like Gak, notebooks, candy, clothing, camping gear, microwave pizza, Christmas decoration, basically anything I can find that is cool because I have had literally nothing but the clothes on my back for the past 7 years of my low bottom addict life and I appreciate every item I find.

I am amused by everything as well, not just items. I am very grateful to have survived the hell that has been my self chosen allegory of what not do life.

I go on shopping sprees now anytime I have spare cash, and spend my money in local establishments to pay back those in society I wrong, by the way.

Damien

I don’t eat unless someone tells me to. I forget to. I will literally sit here all day and not eat unless someone asks me if I have or not. I think this is another side effect of past drug use, which is funny because I never forgot to drink booze or get high before doing anything. I often forget to eat or drink water, forget, or think I am doing myself some kind of insane backwards kindness by asserting mental control over something I am supposed to do to live, “You can’t tell me to be healthy, your an objecting object!” I am insane, and have too many freaking problems.

I mention this now though for positive purpose, I actually just decided to eat on my own, I am eating apple sauce, because I have realized that if I don’t eat with my medication that I am taking for the infection on my knee, I get nauseous and that slows me down from doing what I want to do, which is be on here or whatever else I do that is not important…. God that was paranoid. I lay around watching TV and do odd jobs, talk to my family and do nothing deserving that level of paranoia.

Heh.

Later

Damien

I can’t believe all we missed while being idiots and hurting ourselves and everyone around us when it is so simple just do positive things and don’t do negative things and even if it is hard, it will get easier and easier to break a sad cycle of romantic attraction to pain.

I know right?

I expected a snide remark

Did I disappoint you?

Kinda

You smell weird

Because why?

Because I don’t know, I can’t smell you

I know because I am you

and you are clean and don’t smell

Sick burn

Burn of sickness.

Hahahhahaha

How do you kill a female super hero?

You shoot her up.

heh.

No. I am busy.

No you’re not going to be busy, you don’t even do anything.

You don’t do anything.

Yes, I do and you know it.

You sit on the computer all day and talk to me.

I sit on the computer all day and talk to you and help you with this blog, and I have a kid, and I have a wife…

Blah blah blah I am so important. You should come with me because it will be fun.

No it won’t, it’s going to suck and you just want it to suck for me too, and that’s not fair.

It’s not fair that you have to help me when I helped you a lot recently.

I have helped you too.

They might give me….

Okay screw you, I am going, but it’s your fault if I get addicted…

They aren’t going to give them to me, I was just kidding but now you have to go because you said you could if I gave you drugs, jerk.

Fine, so if you get drugs can I have some?

If they give me drugs I am going to refuse them, jerk.

Thanks.

You’re welcome. Jerk.

I am still struggling with it, I am used to being alone all the time.

Haha. You get frustrated when you can’t be alone too?

I am not that much like you.

Yes, you are, because you are half me and half you.

That is only half. I am the good half.

So I am fully bad?

No…

You realize that was mean and you just insulted yourself.

I think it’s cool that I can see you sometimes when we smoke the vape at the same time.

You know why that is?

Because we used to get high at the same time.

So that means every time we got high we were killing each other.

Good use of poetic metaphor.

Or the reality of realizing you are killing your friends whenever you use with them..