I am fine, why?

You haven’t talked to me all day, that’s why.

I know, I was insulted by the universe earlier.

The universe insulted you? That sounds pretty narcissistic.

The universe thought so too.

You really **** at titles.

Why? I want the internet and myself to know what this is about, and that it is not the same narcissistic garbage I usually post.

High five?

Woo! Four hands?

Yeah!

I put all the content of this post in the title.

I know, you are a ****.

I know you are, but what am I?

A ****.

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I am lonely, I don’t know…. I don’t have anyone new, and I am just lonely.

So think about something else.

I would rather not.

Why?

It helps my stupid ego to remember that someone loved me once.

That is pretty lame.

I know.

I am oh so rich, with vice added to a face that asked for nothing but sigh, you gave me nothing but advice.

Isn’t it great? Isn’t it neat?

Aren’t we so very completely in love?

Tell me how much, I need you baby, tell me how much I want you, and I will repeat it so, so, sweetly.

I am extremely obnoxious

There are two of you which is terrifying, because that makes me think of identical twins, who both hate me.

Colored with laziness, because I don’t care, which is why I am alone.

Or we could do what we did with that one girl we knew. You know the one?

Oh, yeah?

She dated you.

I dated her.

She had our issues too.

Both sides of her, broke up with both sides of us.

A very sarcastic blast from the past, or me kicking my own ***

Fish of Condescending Thought, Bought with time spent looking at the ground while I should have been asleep.

Blah, blah, blah, she hurt me so bad.

Blah blah, blah she made me so mad.

Burning fire, rising higher, want to consume something, I focus on nothing on everything, I am not sad, I am simply insane, wanting some to target, target, target, she was a **** her name Margaret, my deepest regret was that I never really met her, not really, just watched her.

From afar, or not that far really, oh friend of a friend of a friend, who am I kidding, I had no female friends really, except my best friend clearly.

I know, I am not trying to, actually I think I am trying to… I don’t really know why, I like saying the wrong things, it scares people away from me.

I get it, but come on dude, all day…

I just don’t want to go to the freaking doctor tomorrow, so instead of freaking out and crying about it you are telling creepy stories about hitting on women in inappropriate ways?

I guess so, I thought it was appropriate, in that I was trying to get the poor girl to hate drugs as much as I did.

It didn’t even happen so, you’re not a hero.

I am not even going to say what I am thinking…

Good because you’re not that drug either…

Burn me please,

I am on my knees,

I miss your sweet carress

Oh, one who looked so pleasant in a white dress.

I love you so much, you are so great, ever so sorry we no longer relate, you are so lovely, I am so sad, so very tragic you made me so mad, I loved you so dearly, we related so well, you made me feel like I’d escaped fom pure hell, you were so perfect… now you are

Gone

I am so sad I knew you so long, I wanted it to work out so sad it did not, so very tragic our love was so hot, it made me so happy to see

Clearly that you were such a miserable peice of ****, so glad, so sad, too bad, baby, enjoy the cash you stole from me, hope it was ****ing worth it.

Hey, lovely, is this poision or alcohol or tie die liquid?

Don’t call me lovely, ***hole.

But, you are……..so………..

You are such a lunatic.

I know. 🙂

Happy faces?

I like happy faces.

What?

I am not saying that again. So is that tie die liquid or booze, or some sort of multi-color drink or some kind of strange poison?

Aren’t poison, tie die liquid and alcohol all the same thing to me and you?

You’re point being?

That exactly.

So you were putting it there to kill me?

I was putting it there so you would throw it out the window. I am not good at throwing it out the window, I was thinking about it, and this helped me. I am sorry it didn’t help you.

I don’t like being helped, so I am trying to make it seem like you are the bad guy, so I can turn the whole thing on its head and be the good guy and it’s not working, so I will stop because I don’t care anymore.

Hahahahahhahahah. Check mate.

hahahhahahhha yourself.

Will Assertion is horrific

I don’t need you, thing that I broke, or gave away when moving into glorified punk squat house.

I am an expert at the art of up and down and down and up and up and down and falling and running and

Actually not round and round

Round and round makes me sick and dizzy

I don’t like sick and dizzy or punctuation apparently

It is not necessary when ranting like a lunatic

Added glow to this because this whole thing made me realize

I would be so much happier if I was not in control

So I am going to begin releasing control.

Tried explaining that to an English teacher once and they asked if I needed therapy, sent me to the college therapist, who told me my problems exceeded the schools ability to deal with them and that I needed a real therapist.

I told them I had one, I was just following the rules.

Why am I typing any of this online?

Hahah.

Or I am an idiot.

I am a bird that lives alone.

I am a bird so I can’t answer a phone.

No longer do I ingest, in jest, to make it possible to live in dirty nest.

I fly alone.

Tossing and turning, because I was supposed to, being a punishment given to a child, by a vengeful adult, you, angry that I had things that you did not like charisma, and friends, just toxic enough to cut me down when you would not because you did not have enough.

The chaotic pacing of a mind lost in loathing, is what keeps me from going back, to the nights of continuous attack on my own soul. I do not miss it at all, no longer heading the call of the death siren.

I used to mispell serenity, sirenity, being obsessed with it coming from something other than me, having to be from someone other than me, because I believed in nothing higher than me, floating on cloud 9.

Now I am on the right side of the bed, and when I toss and turn, my soul is not churning with hatred or hate red or hate read into me, by you, because you can’t touch me anymore.

---

Ironic reminders from someone who just wrote a resentful poem…

I cry quietly in the dark, no one can see me then and they don’t see me anyway, because I only talk to my imaginary friend.

That’s not true, dufus, you have friends.

You don’t count.

That is not nice.

I am not counting you because we are the same person.

You are a jerk, and I don’t want..

hahahahhaahhahahhahahhahhahahhahhahahhahahahhhah

To the author, this is a taste of your own medicine.

I am talking to myself.

I am aggressive because I am afraid of myself. I

Fear imperfection because I am in love myself

I am a narcissistic

Per so n on s h elf

The troll lives outside, and is invisible. It is not me this time.

It lurks in everything, in potentiality, for always and forever.

It really sounds like you.

Shut up and go with me.

Okay, fine.

It is under anything that causes

DISCOMFORT

DISCOMFORT

Stop that now.

Good Job.

I now you have a thing about the number three, and you are not divine, so stop it.

Okay.

Daily writing prompt

If you could be a character from a book or film, who would you be? Why?

View all responses

Will Parry, from the Phillip Pullman Series The Golden Compass Series in the The Subtle Knife, I would want to be Will Parry if he wasn’t a whining ****. That is what I would do differently. I would not feel sorry for myself like he did, or I have done, just simply exist alongside Lyra as a non-whiner. I am going to try to do that in my own life instead, alongside myself or whatever they want to call themselves.

Aggression UNNECESSARY ***HOLE.

It’s not aggression, just intensity.

The inner turmoil of Will Parry in this book always bothered me, because I wondered how much of the awesome world he lives in was being missed, while he was crying over what he had done, which is very ironic…

I am afraid of the dentist.

On a quest for fire, a bird bird undertook a dark journey, flying through chaos, it flew through woods, and met many things, including things that were of no good, and that a bird never should meet. It flew with those things, and at those things, and nested with those things, for decades. In swamps, in plastic bags, in garbage. It ate scraps, it flapped through oil, it cawed out to no one.

It flocked with everyone, it flocked with no one. It flew towards the sun, it cried. It cawed. It fell. It broke it’s wings.

But none of that matters, because it built a nest that someone found, and threw watching the silly bird…

Some had the idea to dip a bird nest in gold.

Shell Fish, Selfish, Shelf Ish.

I am a crab, because I have a shell that is thin but feels hard. I am a crab because I pinch you when you come near me, so you don’t step on me, because I am so pokey. Hahahah. I am heroic.

I am a jerk because I make too many jokes about sowing seeds of

CHAOS.

In a dark world, a human being discusses with friends the effects of fear on the human soul, or u los minus one s for something… sickness… maybe… I am

CRAZY.

La de de de da da da.

Welcome to disorder, we love you.

I love everybody.

I am dissing my own order, what did I order, french fries, an hour ago, I ordered myself to make them, but I don’t make food for myself because I hate me.

INSANITY…..ahahahhahahhahahhahahhahhahaahhahahhhahahhahhahahhahhahahhahahhahhahhahahhhahahhhahahah.

Done now, moving on,

That was fun.

That is called disjointed speech. If I do it on here, it ends faster.

That is literally my favorite holiday… ****! I think I forgot it, because I was supposed to, because other than the Fourth of July, it is one of the days I have the hardest time not drinking. The Fourth of July, I used to get hammered and loudly talk about what a good American I was until I almost got arrested, and then I liked to tell the cops arresting me what a good American I was, which would usually cause them to either not arrest me, or to violently arrest me.

It was hilarious.

But it is the reason why I have a bunch of warrants for failure to appear.

I don’t appear for anyone I don’t want to. Not even myself.

Getting my own place, and moving on with everything I mean. I am realizing how much worse this whole thing has made me, and thinking that having a place where I can be alone would be good. I think the paranoia will get a lot better, if I am alone. Which is funny because I think that this something the universe was trying to tell me and I wasn’t listening. I think that this is why I have gotten as bad as I have, because I am pretty insane right now, or I think I am… in comparison to how I used to be.

I just talked to my family about getting an attorney to handle a disability claim I have going on, because I am very good at losing jobs, over and over and over. I have had a lot of them, but I lose every single one for one reason or another. Usually because some paranoid delusion justifies me not showing up or being drunk or high when I show up because I am afraid and use or drink because I am afraid.

It really helped me to talk to my family about all of this, I feel less like a pacing lunatic now, at least I know the whole world is not out to get me now.

I hate myself, I hate my voice, I sound like a **** when I say anything, condescending **** when I say anything, and can’t do anything normal

Like drink water. I just almost choked on an ice cube… ****.

I drink everything like alcohol still…. doing ****ing shots of water with ice in it. Like it is going to work faster if I drink it in five seconds. What the ****????

I do the same thing with everything, must make everything painful, like just take sips of water when you are thirsty dumb ***

I have been courted all my life, to dance with loaded gun or held knife at my Neck, by myself, on a shelf, which of course is what I think because, baby I ****ing stink, I smell booze, in heart and soul, still drunk but dry, sometimes I know.

I reek of anger, creaking madness, rocking back and forth epic sadness, dark reflection, not staring at mirror, but bashing crashing and dying in epic fear.

I am loaded gun, I am dark resistance, I am tragic, insistence, that though I am dry, I am GOD. I am responsible for divining rod, punishing me, I am insistence on trying to be my own

Maker

Breaker

Soul forsaken, breaking me, tragically, beginning to see how epic my failure is.. or simply that I am an addict who needs a higher power.

Facts.

https://jimadamsauthordotcom.wordpress.com/2023/03/09/oops-thursday-inspiration/

I got

“It was written I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice.” 

joseph conrad, heart of darkness

They think I get up in the middle of the night to experience the hours of the day before they wake up, this is only half true. I do not do this out of a desire to be alone. I just simply enjoy quiet when I can. I have not had much quiet in my life at all, and the second they wake up, against their and my will… I listen to their existence every second I am present, not in a resenting way, actually quietly I sit and marvel at the people who surround me now, because I appreciate so much hearing voices other than my own incessant talking in my own head, or against my will at loud to myself. I am so happy to be around people who are not me, because as much as I sound like I am in love with myself, this is a defense mechanism. I am deeply insecure. I hate everything about me, because I am a cruel, uncaring person. I want to be better, but I have been like this so long, it takes time for me to learn to not be.

I loved getting away from reality so much I devoted my whole life to the worship of the idol toys of a man insane, substances have been my best friend along with my own self in female form. I have existed for so long talking only to me or the other me, on street corners where I am either shouting, crying or laughing in lunacy with lack of regard for those around me. I did this because I was in pain from pain I was unknowingly causing myself. I was drinking/using to forget drinking using to forget what I had to do to get drugs and alcohol to forget, drinking using to forget. I am a horrible human being, no really I am, but I am in the process of trying to turn that around now.

Peace

Damien

How do you kill a female super hero?

You shoot her up.

heh.

I have been feeling sick all day, so I was trying to go slow with the whole eating thing so I don’t throw up my medicine, and I was pissed for most of it, because I was hungry, then I thought at least I’ll be less fat when this is done.

You’re not fat now, just lame.

I know, but I need a silver lining.

So anorexia is your silver lining?

Yes.

Eat a food, you’ll feel less nauseous, you are nauseous because the pills need to be taken with food, I am taking the same ones.

Are you nauseous?

Yes.

Then you’re wrong.

Lame.

No. I am busy.

No you’re not going to be busy, you don’t even do anything.

You don’t do anything.

Yes, I do and you know it.

You sit on the computer all day and talk to me.

I sit on the computer all day and talk to you and help you with this blog, and I have a kid, and I have a wife…

Blah blah blah I am so important. You should come with me because it will be fun.

No it won’t, it’s going to suck and you just want it to suck for me too, and that’s not fair.

It’s not fair that you have to help me when I helped you a lot recently.

I have helped you too.

They might give me….

Okay screw you, I am going, but it’s your fault if I get addicted…

They aren’t going to give them to me, I was just kidding but now you have to go because you said you could if I gave you drugs, jerk.

Fine, so if you get drugs can I have some?

If they give me drugs I am going to refuse them, jerk.

Thanks.

You’re welcome. Jerk.

I am still struggling with it, I am used to being alone all the time.

Haha. You get frustrated when you can’t be alone too?

I am not that much like you.

Yes, you are, because you are half me and half you.

That is only half. I am the good half.

So I am fully bad?

No…

You realize that was mean and you just insulted yourself.

I think it’s cool that I can see you sometimes when we smoke the vape at the same time.

You know why that is?

Because we used to get high at the same time.

So that means every time we got high we were killing each other.

Good use of poetic metaphor.

Or the reality of realizing you are killing your friends whenever you use with them..

Just because certain things I say make me feel good saying them doesn’t mean I am pompous or a jerk.

So you don’t think you are a pompous jerk?

No, don’t get me wrong, I know I am… I am trying, man. I don’t know what it is that I am doing when I do that but, I can tell what I am doing after I do it.

I am not sure if I just insulted you or not, like in an uncalled for way..

What do you mean?

I think I may have just said, every time you feel good about yourself you are a pompous jerk.

That’s what I thought…

Sorry.

You’re only hurting yourself.

Noted.

Which disease?

The dissing ease of nar·cis·sism.

You still can’t spell that?

No because it’s not a real thing, and don’t talk to me right now, I am trying really hard to convince myself that cat’s aren’t allergic to Chinese food.

You aren’t a cat anymore.

I know which is all the more reason I don’t want to look like an idiot.

I like how you look.

Of course you do…. I’m just you as a guy.

Me as a fatter guy.

Jerk. Not nice, and not true.

I know. I like the way you look.

Gross, I am you.

Self-love is not gross.

That’s not the same thing.

So what does Rei think of you recently.

She thinks I have a nice &^*.

That’s gross.

You’re gross.

You’re mean.

I used to kill your enemies by torturing them to death.

Oh, yeah right. So you’re not mean.

No just a psychotic jerk.

I am your best friend, not a psychotic jerk.

We’re both psychotic jerks.

Okay.

Okay? That’s it.

Yeah peace.

Later

I used a steak knife to cut up pound cake into little pieces

and left it on the table which is stupid because

Now it is on the table

Taunting me

to use it to slash the tires of garbage can $^&*$%

Why would you use a steak knife to cut up pound cake?

To show it whose boss

It’s pound cake, made by a person, it doesn’t have a boss, and if it did it wouldn’t be you.

It is now.

You can’t be the boss of something you killed.

Watch me, I did it to you.

I’m not dead.

The part of you that resents themselves is.

Why I do look like I eat burgers and hot dogs? I think your cat is allergic to those. I have to…

Nauseous?

No. I just have to…

You look like you’ve been eating.

I think my stomach hurts.

You had ketchup on your pants, you don’t look fat in those pants.

Oh, I don’t think I am allergic to burgers and hot dogs anyway. I am glad you were nice to your mother by the way.

I am glad I was too.

Your welcome, and thanks for the heads up about the ketchup. I cleaned it off before I got it on the couch.

You look nice in boxers.

You’re disgusting.

You’re disgusting.

I already told you I don’t feel good, leave me alone.

You’re not allergic to burgers and hot dogs. You are just a  narcissist that thinks eating is a sign of weakness, and you don’t look like you’re dying anymore since we stopped doing drugs.

You don’t look like you’re dying.

I know, because we’re not. Thank you that’s a good thing..

Just found an article that says nine signs your dating a narcissist and thought of you.

What are the signs?

I don’t have to read it, I am not one.

Are afraid to read it?

No, I just know that’s not me.

I think you’re afraid to read it.

I think you are.

I read it, it says you are one.

No it doesn’t.

Did you read it?

No. I don’t need to.

I read it and I think you are.

I just read it and that’s not me at all..

I know and now you know that, and don’t have to worry about it all night.

I wouldn’t have had to worry about it, unless you said it.

I can hear your thoughts too.

How?

They are mine because we are the same person.

Oh.

The title of this post is telling me that it is a grammatical error, but it doesn’t know what I am talking about I guess.

This will be a good one.

I am becoming someone who doesn’t exist. I am in a state of becoming something.

I’m sitting right here.

In a parallel universe.

In a universe that would have been yours if you had been honest.

I don’t think I want to go around killing women.

Neither do I.

You don’t anymore.

I never did, I just did it because I didn’t know what else to do.

So you decided to kill women?

I was just mad at them for being happy being whatever it was you hated being so much. I was killing them so it would make you happy?

You thought I would be happy with you offering me sacrifices of dead women? Like a cat that brings dead women instead of dead mice?

That was actually funny. I was just having a hissy fit, and it was uncalled for.

That’s a really level of remorse for committing multiple atrocities.

Noted, I’ll write it down.