Self-burn, ouch, got yourself.

It is you I am talking to. I said half.

There is no such thing, we are the same human, we just talk to each other, with the same hands.

Ouch.

I am fine, why?

You haven’t talked to me all day, that’s why.

I know, I was insulted by the universe earlier.

The universe insulted you? That sounds pretty narcissistic.

The universe thought so too.

I made this sarcastically for you, and for whoever likes sarcasm.

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Done talking about horror all day.

You make me laugh.

I guess so, I am thinking about stuff, and just kind of going with what comes to me, and it is mostly resentment. I think it is because there are no weekend meetings.

I think so too. I think you should try to think about something else though.

I am not really chosing to think about these things, they are PTSD flashbacks that come to me, while making graphics.

So make nicer graphics?

Ditto.

I am disdain, I am drain, I am in intense physical pain.

You are a whiny bitch.

You are a bitch period, and you deal with nothing, you just sit there and laugh at me while I complain.

At least I laugh, and you just complain.

You laugh at someone being in pain, and that is somehow an upgrade to what I do?

I hate you.

I know, I hate you too, that is why I am trying to force you to leave by being intolerable.

Explain

I have my own inner child, and married couple living in my head.

I identify as Damien, and the voice of resentment is Lydia, and my inner child is Amanda. I used to refer to my inner child as Lyra though.

That is really ****ed up.

I know right? There you go. See it Clearly?

As a Rei of Light.

It was good, people seem to like us more now that we aren’t fighting each other for dominance.

So you mean now that you are not trying to be control all the time.

That was you doing that.

True. I thought I could get away with blaming it on you.

The other chick I am sometimes agrees with me.

I know she agrees with you, because we hate each other.

That is because she lost.

I know, and it is wonderful.

This is insane, peace.

You really suck at titles.

You really suck at titles, too.

I know you are, but what am I?

That doesn’t even make any sense.

We are both being so immature for a second I forgot who was talking.

I like when that happens.

Pages: 1 2

She took my best friend, and made her, her’s.

Revision, revision, I am working on my vision, blurry, blurry vision….

Eye rolling, I am working on it….

You really need to stop refering to women in the ways that you do, because it offensive, Damien.

I used to be one.

It is still sexism.

Is it really?

Yes, it is actually also machismo.

Okay, fine.

You really **** at titles.

Why? I want the internet and myself to know what this is about, and that it is not the same narcissistic garbage I usually post.

High five?

Woo! Four hands?

Yeah!

I put all the content of this post in the title.

I know, you are a ****.

I know you are, but what am I?

A ****.

My hands hurt. I am tired, and I really want to get high. So basically, I just really want to get high or drunk, but I don’t because I am an ***hole when I get drunk or high.

Too bad, so sad…

You are being a **** too, at least I admit I am doing it.

You did not admit you are doing it, I told you that you were.

I am you, writing on the internet a conversation you are having in our head.

At least we aren’t doing this on a street corner out loud while high.

Yeah, there’s that…

I exist beneath you, just like you wanted, residing in the idea of down, I am beneath you, honey. I am just where you wanted me, down here.

I am the idea of down.

I am the idea of on the ground, so low, so so

Low.

Solo, that could be said too, but always beneath you.

I am the burst bubble

I am the idea of too much trouble, because I am really.

Fighting on Goddesses

Hear me out, okay.

Everytime, you would scream and shout, everytime I was without anything you needed to be happy, I would say, if I am so bad, why don’t I just go away?

Why do you demand every time that I stay?

This girl, not this one, but the one I am refering to still tries to contact me, I am not writing about resentment.

Yes, you still are, but better.

Okay, I will take that.

What is meant is that I am re-sent back, every time you to try to contact me, everytime you try to re-start this, this begins again for me.

What do you want?

You were right, and I was wrong.

You are alright and I am gone, I will stay gone. I don’t like hurt feelings.

Lies.

Okay, well I don’t like her hurting them.

Lies.

Why?

You are not comfortable alone, which is why you talk to yourself online.

I do that because I am crazy.

You do that because you are too lazy to do anything to get better, so you pretend this helps, when it is really you stroking your own sore ego.

Ouch.

She wore a yellow address, because she was happy, which makes me mad, because I am an ***hole, who is very sad.

How dare you enjoy life? I cannot, I am addicted to strife, or to strive, or to striving or to seeming

So so so

Alive.

That sounded insane.

I know. Isn’t it great.

No.

Ouch.

I actually did think it did, you just gross me out.

I know, because I am your own self-love, or the rabid dog version of it, which is a funny way of saying narcissistic personality disorder.

I am married to myself.

Look at me, as I talk like two different people who are divorced.

Dancing sirens at the ocean.

Make me think of my devotion, to nothing but myself.

Ouch, I burned myself.

That is really ****ing accurate.

Isn’t it?

Yes.

That is why people thought I was your ex-boyfriend.

You kind of are.

How?

I don’t really know.

Me neither. I think I would be your ex-husband not boyfriend.

Hahah. The ring of power.

I am looking at her, but I am also looking in the mirror, and seeing something that is not real, and also seeing how I feel about my own stupid face.

My hate of you is of me, not you.

I live in a cage that is my body, which I think I am in because I am an ***hole, who would be way worse if I had gotten what I wanted, this is not how all people like me feel, this is just how I feel, and if anyone else is going to tell me I am not an ***hole, that I should not say that or something, read anything else I wrote on here.

I am an ***hole.

You are beautiful.

My best friend, and also ex, left for me a girl in a red dress, and then was my best friend again, mine not hers, Amanda I mean, she was not here for this time, because I was able to be myself, without the supervision of my other self.

Hey, not nice.

I know, but that is the truth. Go with me here, I am telling you things too, that you were not there for.

We would sit together at the bar, watching girls from were we sat, while he sat and made me laugh, and to this very day, I can call him and he knows the next word I will say.

My ex called Rei hates this fool, which I call him in his own words, he was my best friend too, long ago, but now it is not allowed, we both say so, way to toxic was this mix, and he wants a girlfriend, so we can not mix.

Painted with sadness

I am thinking about you and about breakfast in the morning and how I was always too high to eat it, and you made it for me.

And that kills me, because however much you and I hated each other at the very end, there was a time when you really loved me, or her, who you thought I truly was, thinking this part of me was addiction personified or something.

I really loved you once, in the way someone would love their best friend, because at one point you were my best friend too, and her boyfriend, and then you didn’t need a running buddy anymore, and wanted to be alone with her, and that is just not how it works, we are one person with two personalities.

A very sarcastic blast from the past, or me kicking my own ***

It’s all for you, Damien.

The Omen

I am allergic to cookies, which is really my way of saying I am allergic to feelings.

You have such pretty eyes

Oh, pretty flower.

I like woman’s hands, staring at them makes me happy, so happy that I forget where I am and dream about things that make me feel like I am somewhere else.

She makes cookies, that taste so sweet, she makes cookies, she is neat, she makes cookies, and I am not there, because I am an ***hole.

I am busy, I am outside, I am too busy, not trying to hide, I simply like to be outside, and find things that make me high.

I am about the past. I am about the past. **** it. I am about the past. I am writing this instead of getting high, because I love my family, so instead of getting high I decided to…………………write this insane… whatever you call it.. satirical roast of myself, do you like roast chicken, here is a roast of a chicken, written by a chicken, for a chicken, for me, it’s all for you, self.

I am the omen. I am the omen. I am the omen.

I painted you gold, because I am lazy, and last edits are most appropriate for people who I didn’t know yet, and won’t ever, because no one like you hangs out with people like me.

Pretty sure you are actually awful, with your eyes, oh so thoughtful, staring at viewer with look of hatred.

Hey, ***hole, what if she is supposed to look sad, and you are just seeing it that way because

Because I don’t see clearly?

Exactly.

Burn me. Baby, sweet baby, you make me so ****ing crazy

I see two doors one red one black, I painted one red, instead of black, to the black door I can’t go back, this I know, because I have a complete

I am to be red

I am very small

I am red instead of black because the narrator is an ***hole.

Lack of ****ing self-control, my soul a burning rotting, wreaking hole, not whole, but hole instead, so sad, too bad, must turn around instead.

The door, the door, behind it lays, things from which I needn’t say, because you could guess what they are, and my heart, my heart,

Is black because I am ***hole, writing about drugs in the morning.

Rile me up, I have had enough, I am sheparding myself to a path that is not talking out of my ***.

He was such a good boy, or so they thought, until they gave him the toy, not just any toy, but the best toy in the world, or what he thought was the best toy in the world.

Roy loved horses, of courses, of courses, anyone would love horses.

Ray loved to bite at its legs, so it had none, like most horses I know, say it ain’t so…. don’t you know? don’t you know? A horse with no legs is no good, so Roy simply thought, that he would bite them off, so he did without a thought, and off they came, and then the toy was lame, and Roy switched to a softer toy, shaped like a sandwich.

What does that even mean?

I liked how it sounded, rappers do it, why can’t it be done with horror, and actually all letters you write me are severe, because they are severly disturbing to average people.

That is actually very true.

I know that is why I thought of it.

Not everything you think is true.

Blue poking madness, is dark gladness, or glowing sadness

Name one thing.

I am not a drug addict, I just like heroin and can do it responsibly this time, if I just don’t drink. This is actually something you were thinking today. How do I know, because I was thinking it to.

I am a box that never should have been opened.

I am trying it one time, and never again.

I will never do it two days in a row.

I can just drink one.

I can just have three.

I will start at five.

I will start at 12.

Severly, means harshly, and I think that a lot of us talking to each other, can be considered harsh, which is why I like you.

You like me because you have to, because I am you, or half you, and you are in love with your whole self which is half me.

Sick burn.

Blah, blah, blah, she hurt me so bad.

Blah blah, blah she made me so mad.

Burning fire, rising higher, want to consume something, I focus on nothing on everything, I am not sad, I am simply insane, wanting some to target, target, target, she was a **** her name Margaret, my deepest regret was that I never really met her, not really, just watched her.

From afar, or not that far really, oh friend of a friend of a friend, who am I kidding, I had no female friends really, except my best friend clearly.

I was just going to lie to you.

I know.

I was going to tell you, I tried my hardest to not be a complete **** all day.

I know.

I had a really hard time.

Me too, it was actually nice to see you fail, because I failed too.

I am not even going to say the very obvious.

I know we are the same person.

I am the…

You are not the better version.

There is no better version.

That is because we both ****

I am okay with that.

I am small

I am weak

I can’t speak

I can’t speak

I am sorry.

I was just kidding, let’s not fight.

My writing is bigger than yours.

I am not you idiot, it’s alright, it’s alright.

Is it really? You’re not mad.

Of course, I am not, not even sad.

I like you really, truly, deeply.

Well, that went smoothly.

Did it really?

Huh?

Your lack of confidence is hilarious.

You sound like me.

I know it’s fun, now I see why you do it to me.

I have to go to the doctor, and I knew it and she didn’t and she is also me, so I guess I am just insane and talking to myself on the internet, and this post is mostly for me anyway, to yell at myself online.

Ahahahahhahahhhhahahahhaha

What?

I am just happy I realized this sooner than we usually do, because I am better at this than you.

***hole.

Facts.

Agreed.

I know, I am not trying to, actually I think I am trying to… I don’t really know why, I like saying the wrong things, it scares people away from me.

I get it, but come on dude, all day…

I just don’t want to go to the freaking doctor tomorrow, so instead of freaking out and crying about it you are telling creepy stories about hitting on women in inappropriate ways?

I guess so, I thought it was appropriate, in that I was trying to get the poor girl to hate drugs as much as I did.

It didn’t even happen so, you’re not a hero.

I am not even going to say what I am thinking…

Good because you’re not that drug either…

I don’t ****ing know, I am bored and lonely and really want some whiskey, but I can’t have any and I am really ****ing angry about it.

You can’t have it or you’re choosing not to have it?

Choosing

Then why are you mad?

Because I am an alcoholic, and I wish I could drink like a normal person.

There is no such thing as drinking like a normal person, because normal people don’t have to try to not be alcoholics, they are just not alcoholics.

I want to drink like a functional alcoholic.

There is so no such thing.

I think I could do it right this time.

Really?

No. I just wanted to see what you would say.

I would say you are talking to yourself about drinking on a computer screen because you have severe issues.

Burn me please,

I am on my knees,

I miss your sweet carress

Oh, one who looked so pleasant in a white dress.

I love you so much, you are so great, ever so sorry we no longer relate, you are so lovely, I am so sad, so very tragic you made me so mad, I loved you so dearly, we related so well, you made me feel like I’d escaped fom pure hell, you were so perfect… now you are

Gone

I am so sad I knew you so long, I wanted it to work out so sad it did not, so very tragic our love was so hot, it made me so happy to see

Clearly that you were such a miserable peice of ****, so glad, so sad, too bad, baby, enjoy the cash you stole from me, hope it was ****ing worth it.

Morning, Mourning, Morning In sane, I thank you for vacation.

Pathetic

apathetic

energetic

Some other things with ****ing etic, I am bored with it now.

You can’t see the words, because my excuses for why I destroyed a photo of the ocean do not matter, I was being an ***.

I rotate between thinking, always constantly about things that bring me great joy, because I am a pain worshipper, previous addict of things that made things so much……………..more toxic than they were without them… but for a secondn I….

I am a perpetual war story, of a lunatic who likes to meditate on ideas of DRUGS

That is very unhealthy.

It is your mind too, ***hole.

I am not responsible for anything you think.

You are responsible for what we think, and you are a participant in this conversation.

I am a path that focuses on doing something bad, that makes me oh so very sad, so sad that it is an excuse, please excuse while I do something awful in front of everyone who can see me slowly killing myself, but I am only doing it to me, so I am doing

NOTHING WRONG

Wow, that was harsh, hate yourself much?

That is the thing I hate most in the world.

We are not a thing.

Resentment Rollercoaster

Resentful Lunacy

Will Assertion is horrific

I don’t need you, thing that I broke, or gave away when moving into glorified punk squat house.

I am an expert at the art of up and down and down and up and up and down and falling and running and

Actually not round and round

Round and round makes me sick and dizzy

I don’t like sick and dizzy or punctuation apparently

It is not necessary when ranting like a lunatic

Added glow to this because this whole thing made me realize

I would be so much happier if I was not in control

So I am going to begin releasing control.

Tried explaining that to an English teacher once and they asked if I needed therapy, sent me to the college therapist, who told me my problems exceeded the schools ability to deal with them and that I needed a real therapist.

I told them I had one, I was just following the rules.

Why am I typing any of this online?

Hahah.

Or I am an idiot.

I am a bird that lives alone.

I am a bird so I can’t answer a phone.

No longer do I ingest, in jest, to make it possible to live in dirty nest.

I fly alone.

Tossing and turning, because I was supposed to, being a punishment given to a child, by a vengeful adult, you, angry that I had things that you did not like charisma, and friends, just toxic enough to cut me down when you would not because you did not have enough.

The chaotic pacing of a mind lost in loathing, is what keeps me from going back, to the nights of continuous attack on my own soul. I do not miss it at all, no longer heading the call of the death siren.

I used to mispell serenity, sirenity, being obsessed with it coming from something other than me, having to be from someone other than me, because I believed in nothing higher than me, floating on cloud 9.

Now I am on the right side of the bed, and when I toss and turn, my soul is not churning with hatred or hate red or hate read into me, by you, because you can’t touch me anymore.

---

Ironic reminders from someone who just wrote a resentful poem…

Yeah, they remind me that I get acid reflux from drinking, because alcoholism has eaten my stomach lining, killed sensation in my hands, and caused my mental illness to get worse.

Thumbs up?

For realizing that or for destroying myself?

Which one do you think?

Both?

Wrong.

I am glad, it was like being at the table alone again in school. I liked it.

You just said that to make people feel bad for you, loser.

No I said that to get you to call your own self a loser, because it is funny.

You just called yourself a loser.

Guess, what I forgot which one of us is talking again.

That is because you are learning to love yourself.

Thank you, Damien.

What do you see, with your eyes?

That are so unlike mine, but so very much the same?

What do you think in your head covered in feathers?

What do you think that gives you so much peace and calm, and how can I be more like you…

How can I become a bird of a feather?

I am a duck and I duck because I am a duck who ducks my head into the water because I am a duck who ducks my head in the water.

I am a fish who fishes for fish wishing for this one fish that I saw this one time.

I am a mind who mines for mine. I am a mind who keeps in mind that minds mind me, and so I mind them.

I a look out on the look out for things that look out at me.

Daily writing prompt

If you could be a character from a book or film, who would you be? Why?

View all responses

Will Parry, from the Phillip Pullman Series The Golden Compass Series in the The Subtle Knife, I would want to be Will Parry if he wasn’t a whining ****. That is what I would do differently. I would not feel sorry for myself like he did, or I have done, just simply exist alongside Lyra as a non-whiner. I am going to try to do that in my own life instead, alongside myself or whatever they want to call themselves.

Aggression UNNECESSARY ***HOLE.

It’s not aggression, just intensity.

The inner turmoil of Will Parry in this book always bothered me, because I wondered how much of the awesome world he lives in was being missed, while he was crying over what he had done, which is very ironic…

I like my flowers on ice.

I used to run, not to chase, just for fun,

I used to fly, to take flight, not hide or chase, not to fight.

When I was not so mad, not so angry, not so crazy, not so sad.

The dark night ends, the darkness leaves, the dark ones get back to being undseized by quest to prove they have knees.

Running forward or side to side, not looking back, not seeking to find, just moving forward, forever free, providing by clarity.

So I fell down the stairs, and didn’t injure myself

I just almost fell down the stairs, because I always do things twice, even if I don’t want to because I have OCD and one for me, one for you, but I think that is no longer necessary because I almost fell down the stairs because of it, addict.

I like to do something till just before the point where it hurts me, or the point where it hurts me and I know not to do it again, because then it will really hurt me.

I think I used the wrong word. I do things that hurt me, and I know they will, but I am an addict and I think this time they won’t and that maybe I will do something different and experience a different kind of nicotine sensation, or maybe like always, I will almost fall down the stairs, from vaping.

I am day 99 not upside down

I just was talking to my Dad, about the ideas that I have expressed thus far on this site, and we both talked about what I think was revealed to me by the powers that be, or the powers that govern my existence because I believe in them, which is why I say often that people are free to believe what they want, and that I don’t mean to preach or say anything to dictate the beliefs of others.

I believe in what I believe in and it governs me because I myself assign meaning to it. I have placed a lot of faith in the universe punishing people for selfishness, and then done exactly what I think should be punished, insane right? I know.

I am going to stop self fullfilling my own damnations now.

Clearly See, See Clearly

Sight in the middle of Chaotic Self Assertion.

It’s my foot so I am begining to realize it tastes like nothing, because why would it taste like anything? I have OCD so I have very clean feet, because I am constantly cleaning them with my mouth or my head.

At least it is better than having my head up my ***. Silver linings, which is a lie, because I spent my life savings, retirement money 3128 dollars of it and 2000 dollars and panhandled thousands on drugs and alcohol.

Knee to the face.

ahahahahhahahhahhahahahahhahahahhahahhahhahahhahahahhahhahahahahhahhahahahahhaha

I wake up, hearing a street sweeper, my head rested against the glass door of a convenience store, I have 30 minutes, to get my stuff out of here, before the cops come and tell me it is illegal to sleep outside, and then make me leave, which I was doing anyway, and they make it take longer.

It is extremely hard to roll a sleeping bag up with a police officer asking you why you can’t do it faster, and trying to explain how you are missing the tips of three fingers, while listening to him laugh about how

“Well maybe, you shouldn’t have done drugs then!”

I know that now, didn’t know that then…

This lady comes up and asks me what I am doing, she is making this harder.

She tells me I need to get a job. I am somewhere else in my head thinking about how I wish I was a turtle, so I say,

“Do you know how long turtles live?”

She thinks this is some sort of veiled threat, so now I have ten minutes to get out of here, before the it takes one and a half hours and a ticket to get out of here instead of 20 minutes.

**** me.

I am looking for my dog outside, cursing the universe, screaming in chaos. Running in the streets screaming the name Fiona over and over. I am having a panic attack simultaneously, cursing everything that there is in the universe that caused this to happen.

I forget that I caused this to happen. This is a looking back view of this by the way, brought on by PTSD. My ex’s father just died, and I feel bad because we, meaning my ex and I, not the plural of me, put that man through hell.

I forget sometimes, my own role in the decisions that lead to the situations I am faced with, and I am very prone in those moments, to screaming at something in the sky when I should just looking for my dog.

I have been prone to reverse things…

See Clearly

Clearly See

JOKE

If something frightening happens to you today, think about it. It may be a warning. It may be The Omen.

The omen

Daily writing prompt

What is one word that describes you?

View all responses

****

There it is, the one word that describes me, blanked out, so I have no idea what it is, and you can guess the mystery behind its four lettered character.

The answer doesn’t matter. Even though the answer is the entire point of answering this question, or is it? Or is the point…. the characterization of a member of society who was before unclear?

Omen.

It’s all for me…

ahahahhahhahhhahahhahhhahhahahhahhhhahahhahahahahhahhahhahahhah

How would you rate your confidence level?

Either one or ten, no in between, going back and forth minute by minute, based on reflections on pain and suffering or me being selfish or kind, over and over and over and over all day, presented on the internet for the amusement of the viewers of this blog because it makes me feel better and is part of a larger recovery process, and experiment with trying to grow as a person.

____________________________________________________________________________

Ticking time Expose

I am the mind of Damien de Soto.

I am the mind of the reckless psycho.

The path of the fool traveling in the dark, the tale of the one who twists and turns in light that is stark.

The act of wondering why you hate yourself while glorifying ego.

The walk in the park and shot at a flying bald eagle.

I am offense at everything you say, and the desire to simultaneous desire to defend everything I say.

I am addiction to stop but also to addiction to go.

I am yes, but also I am no.

I am bipolar, I am paranoid. I am insane.

I am addicted addict with no drug, and now thinking brain.

I am ****ed and painful but no longer lying, I am crying, screaming but at least learning and no longer dying.

Peace.

I hate myself, I hate my voice, I sound like a **** when I say anything, condescending **** when I say anything, and can’t do anything normal

Like drink water. I just almost choked on an ice cube… ****.

I drink everything like alcohol still…. doing ****ing shots of water with ice in it. Like it is going to work faster if I drink it in five seconds. What the ****????

I do the same thing with everything, must make everything painful, like just take sips of water when you are thirsty dumb ***

I have been courted all my life, to dance with loaded gun or held knife at my Neck, by myself, on a shelf, which of course is what I think because, baby I ****ing stink, I smell booze, in heart and soul, still drunk but dry, sometimes I know.

I reek of anger, creaking madness, rocking back and forth epic sadness, dark reflection, not staring at mirror, but bashing crashing and dying in epic fear.

I am loaded gun, I am dark resistance, I am tragic, insistence, that though I am dry, I am GOD. I am responsible for divining rod, punishing me, I am insistence on trying to be my own

Maker

Breaker

Soul forsaken, breaking me, tragically, beginning to see how epic my failure is.. or simply that I am an addict who needs a higher power.

Facts.

It was this guy ranting about how prison doesn’t sound that bad

1. Free food
2. Free TV
3. Free tablets
4. Free internet
5. Free place to live

I thought it was hilarious, but then was immediately grasped at the neck by anxiety and asked her why she was showing it to me.

I hate being schizophrenic, I have done nothing that would cause me to worry about this, but that is my instant reaction. I hate being insane. I didn’t snap at her. Small steps.

Where would you go on a shopping spree?

I am a lunatic, with no fear of consequences, it is called run through the store with cart, grab everything and then make them chase you out. It is also a good way to get banned from a lot of establishments. Kidding.

I am a lunatic, with no fear of consequences, it is called run through the store with card, grab everything and then make them chase you out. It is also a good way to get banned from a lot of establishments.

Heh. I make myself laugh. I just woke up to the universe playing a prank on me, there was an episode of one of those SVU kind of shows on about a guy who’s house burns down and there is 10 grand worth of fireworks in it. It was a hilarious way to wake up. Thank you universe. I love this prompt too.

I would go to a Walmart, Target, BJ’s or mall sort of establishment, that way I could grab a bunch of everything, and I would grab a bunch of everything. Expensive food, cheap junk food, random old toys for five year old kids like Gak, notebooks, candy, clothing, camping gear, microwave pizza, Christmas decoration, basically anything I can find that is cool because I have had literally nothing but the clothes on my back for the past 7 years of my low bottom addict life and I appreciate every item I find.

I am amused by everything as well, not just items. I am very grateful to have survived the hell that has been my self chosen allegory of what not do life.

I go on shopping sprees now anytime I have spare cash, and spend my money in local establishments to pay back those in society I wrong, by the way.

Damien

I played this in real life, with no wagon, sometimes no clothes- don’t ask it rains there a lot. I dried them while naked and unafraid, because all the people on that show are ****** and I would totally win, but probably go to prison afterwards, so obviously they are not going to let me on that show. I think they probably have to do a psych eval before the thing and schizophrenic addict, alcoholic, PTSD narcissists with anger issues and histories of violent arrests don’t pass psych evals.

I would totally win that show though because seriously, I lived in the Oregon dunes during the rainy season for the whole thing, 8 months in total, with nothing during the **** pandemic.

Okay, done with this now. Moving on.

Oh, and all my materials were scavenged and I walked from western to Southern Oregon, and have done the same thing walking from Oregon to Cali. Bam.

Done ego stroking. I am a **** sorry.

Damien and Amanda Fact not fiction.

I am standing outside, having run to the point of exhaustion. I am not frustrated, not angry but experience a pure elation beyond any drug derived fixation with human contrived elation from moral degradation.

It was at this time, my mind began to become entwined with the idea that maybe something divine would not be something I would mind but instead would bring great peace of mind and body, sure it would mean following rules, but that would be better than buying tools from fools meant to loose because they choose to deal in ruse and pain and act of soul staining disdain for the having of human brain attached to dying body, that dies continuously because it is not mine, it is a gift of the universe and a soul vessel for the soul I have that was given to me as well, so I say damn that business of Hell. I reap what I aim to tell, and I aim to tell good now, so I can hear thou, and do not die like slaughtered mare, or dying hare. I am content to live and bear whatever burden bestowed, and be able to look down and still have toes, I reap what I sow now, and do not steal anymore or kill or lie or make ill.

I was running for so long, when I would run I would hear this song, it was a collection of noises not really song, just noises piecing together by meth’s ding dong of my brain which had gone insane, and though that way I do remain, it is not for lack of trying to, in every single thing I do just seek to be true and improve with love of me and of Rei, I seek truth in everything I say. I no longer wish to go away, but here in Misery do I stay, until my soul I do redeem… which from everything my mind can glean now seems possible, as well. One day I may no longer live in Hell.