You are not about Rei, you are about

Please can I stay for a little while longer, I don’t want to do this right now… I am not ready for this right now, I have never done this alone.

Everytime you did this you did it alone, idiot.

Everytime you do anything you are by nature doing this by yourself.

Please, let me be alright.

I am painted with disdain

I am scorched by fire

I am burned with acid reign

I can’t spell words correctly…

I am double meaning, always seeming, clearly gleaning lack of confidence decently descending always condescending attack of sole of shoe that is

YOU

YOU

YOU

You will be as alright as it is in the cards to be, the cards are not your cards…

BORROWED TIME

Do you like dimes? You’re reality and everything you believe is mine. mine. mine. mine.

Dove wings

Dove wings

Dove wings

Dove wings

Dove wings

Dove wings

Dove wings

You made a deal with me…

You made a deal in exchange for your own life.

That is insanity, I did no such thing.

Deals with the devil

That is just lived backwards.

I am not lived backwards

Forewords

Four words

Leave me alone, please.

You will not survive this time.

Not four words, you lose.

I am borrowed time, I am my life is not mine, I am sing songy bull****.

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I am falling apart, not that bad, just a start of uniting something that was always a part.

Colored in shades of grey, in staying away from me, in faded jeans of genetic insanity, a bound soul, bound to a body that already had one, it was no fun.

Running from everyone.

Color me clearly, I am not here, color me clearly I am hiding in plain site, color me clearly, I am afraid of my own self, color me clearly, I have spent my whole life on a shelf.

What do you see when you look into your own eyes, I had none till the other day and it made me slowly…

I am the recolored world, of a sad torn soul.

I am

Paint me in color, I am color by number. I am the forever having slumber, I am chaotic lack of sleep, I am the one who was always beneath

I am fragile like a jelly fish spraying ink in purple and green.

I am grape jelly on bread that has turned green.

I am dumb

Look at me

I am dumb

I can’t see

Just spilled soup all over my hands, so obviously that is everyone else’s fault not mine… hahahaahahah.

Guess who is still winning….

Resentment? Pride?

Jab. Ow. You got me. I was trying to talk to you anyway.

I am glad, I was having fun watching you burn yourself, and felt bad about it.

I got up early with you, my friend, the one who I was always fighting against, I realize now I was fighting me, engaged in constant battle of insanity, fighting light to see in dark, fighting vision on quest of mark, I fight you but in so doing, poision applies to skin, and reason spewing out of my mouth and from my head, wishing for life, but fighting the dead.

Questing for sun, but lurking in dark, I am the eternal question mark.

I fight truth, because I can’t look in the mirror

I forgot what I was talking about. Oh, well.

This is about powerlessness, your favorite thing, and water is cleansing.

OoO Look at you, show off.

OoO Look at you show off.

That is mature.

Says the most mature person in the world.

I enjoyed the Easter thing, did you?

I wasn’t there, you were.

Yeah, you were. You were just uncomfortable.

I can tell you are glad you won, stop rubbing my nose in it.

Stop thinking about putting things up your nose then.

A journey through MISERY

PUSH
PLUNGER
GO
ON THE EYE OF A NEEDLE
RIGGED WITH SPENDTHRIFT
DEATH

Forgetting is a tragic problem I have, but it is getting better, as my ego dies, and I open my eyes to the fact that I could not see, because I was sick and deranged by a disease strange and prone to mange and change human form, to distort and contort the human body, and make it unrecognizable to the have-

er of one.

I have been know as a chaos chaser of dragons, a pusher of substance, and prayer in holes of foxes, in ditches, in alleyways, a shooter of heroes, and a placer of ins and outs in acts heroic so I can go without doing them, pushing them in with sowing needles that stitch me out and in to a quilted madness in the bed I was making and would have to lie in and lay in, in death.

I have come to a place now where I can go home as well, well too.

This home allows the chaotic night to continue without my pushing assertion of madness, and it is a little quieter minus one night crier night crawler, who now sleeps and dreams.

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/19271780/posts/4613911340

I decided to leave a party that a random stranger must have decided to organize to celebrate the Spring Equinox. I was not acquainted with any of the parties occupants as I had not been invited, so my leaving was of no consequence to any of the participants in the costume party. I had a hooded jacket on that had been long enough to pretend I was dressed appropriately enough to pretend that I was invited and came as some sort of modern hooded reaper, which was appropriate given the reason for my leaving.

I had become nervous while talking to a women who was dressed as a woodpecker, she was laughing in this hectic desperate way, and it was maddening, her jaw chattering and I kept thinking of the sound of a woodpeckers beak on wood, and thinking about how different her head would sound if I slammed it over and over into the tree branch that was so bright and illuminated by the light of the moon. Rather than then prolong the uncomfortable death meditation, I took the rest of my pitcher of stolen booze and walked off with preference to animate the already dead corpses in my squat house.

“Man is the vainest of all creatures that have their being upon earth.”

Homer, The odyssey

I used to live in the woods, really I did. I spent an entire 8 months in the Oregon dunes, somewhere and everywhere in Oregon. I lived there and survived by clamming, and panhandling for food money, and don’t feel bad for me, I made 200 dollars a day, so very promptly after getting there, I developed a nasty attraction to bitter rocks that ate a hole through my hands and my soul.

They chased me to California. I walked there, I think I mentioned that before, high as a kite, I flew on the feet of the dragon, and the wings of fallen dreams to the state of California, with an angel of mercy sent to me whose name ironically was Chris, he sang like a bird the entire way. He was a beautiful singer. My arrogance and pride caused me to walk away, literally from one of the kindest human beings I have ever met in my life, without even saying goodbye. He screamed after me, and I ran, fleeing kindness for California, where I would meet what I was running to, an empire of pain on the sullied streets, I thought I desired so much. I am sorry Chris, you were kind to me, and I should have at least said goodbye.

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2023/03/21/photo-challenge-458/

The quilts blow in the wind, the dangle in the flapping breeze that does so well to dry them, after having been bathed in the river, washing them of their previous… stains… I used to be prone to.. bleeding on things. Lots of things… so I had lots of blankets… that I stole from an artist named Sara Whiley. I don’t know much about the woman, just know the name for some reason. Strange. I am glad the quilts are drying. They are actually quite beautiful.

They look a lot better now that I have slept. I like the colors of them. Maybe I should give them back. Maybe I give them back I can leave Misery, my land of addiction in my mind of psycho delusion and love myself enough to be a real human being all the time, not just sometimes.

This is already happening dufus.

Oh yeah, right.

I am running not from something, but through the earth. I have the ability to move quicker, in my mind anyway than I had before when I was getting high, I realize now how much it was making me slower, I was just slowing down the processes of my mind, which is stupid because this feels amazing. I do not have to worry about anything, because I am no longer doing anything wrong, I can just walk through life unperturbed by anything, seeing everything in clarity instead of the dull blur of drug and alcohol induced psychosis. I notice everything, and am able to act naturally without agonizing over anything anymore, now don’t get me wrong, I remember who I am and that this feeling will pass, but I know I will not forget this feeling. I will not be tempted to go back. I am done now, I have realized that I have something in me that is more valuable than any temporary high, I can choose to be whatever I want now.

I am free, released from the chains of addiction, no longer shackled to a life bound to a misery demon. I have had my mind cleansed, and I owe that to the earth, the sky, the stars, everything around me and above me, that was screaming at me to come back and do the sensible thing, be the human being I was meant to be, not the chaotic screaming infant dying in perpetual spinning spun hissy fit of life coming undone. I am so happy.

There are those of us that are different, gifted with ability of rapid sight that scan through rooms, noticing everything at once, we are the known as the paranoid and delusional to those who do not understand what we are doing, when lucid, we are scanning, filling everything that is ordinary, rapidly, because in our paranoid madness, this is an essential survival tool, learning at rapid speed, what to avoid to avoid, the chaotic stripping our minds every time we have a mental breakdown.

I am in a store, and now with sobriety, I have the ability to see everything clearly with the calmness of mindful meditation, this is a super power, which is exhilarating in a way that being high never was, because I am experiencing life at rapid speed, far different from the chaotic drain circling of my madness before, this is a roller coaster through life where everything is bursting with vibrant color, coming to life all at once, and I can hear and see everything simultaneously. I am never getting high again. This is the most high I have ever felt in my life, I see everything all at once, but also individually, and I realize now how much I was causing my own pain before, how deeply I was damaging my mind.

I am free, unshackled, and it is amazing.

Thank you, to all that is higher than I ever will be, the earth, the air the stars, the life in everything all around me breathing with me all at once, you are my highest power, the force of life that pounds in my chest, I do not know why I was so blind before, but now I see clearly.

In a fog of vapor, an addict puts pen to..

An addict lies about nothing to make things rhyme while wasting time

Spinning rhymes to distract themselves… have you heard there are two of me?

Clearly.

___________________________________________________________________________

I am sitting alone in silence, wondering what it is that makes me have random moments of I am going to fall off a cliff, what shifted, what did I miss?

The shot…

No not that, that is done, and you are

SPUN

You are no fun.

Neither are you not anymore…

Whore.

Ow..

Did I hurt you?

No, you were talking to yourself again.

_____________________________________________

Sometimes, I get sunburn so bad it is on the inside of my soul.

Hole.

Whole.

Consume Hole Whole Soul

Erase Transmission?

End of mission?

Mission to what?

To shut you the **** up.

But the fool on the hill sees the sun going down
And the eyes in his head see the world spinning around

“Fool on the Hill” The Beatles

I have been sitting alone in the park during the day, watching people.

They talk to each other about their lives and relay stories of their adventures, talk about their achievements, talk about their fears, their hopes, their dreams, asking each other for opinions on what they should do, and learning from each other in the conversations they share in the moments I catch them talking to each other.

I do not always see the same people, they are all different, but I sit on the same bench in the same spot every day, so sometimes I catch the dialogues of people I remember, their episodic lives play out in front of me, a silent observer of the human drama, I am divorced from, without ever being brave enough to marry it.

I caught someone watching me today, watching me watching them, and I wonder why they were watching me. What was I doing other than watching others? Was it that I was watching others that interested them? Were they watching me watch others? And where does this end? Was someone watching both of us watching others?

My dog left me, she stayed with my ex, not my last ex, but the one before. She had a sister, and they never had been separated, so I let my ex not the last one, but the other one. The one before.

I tell myself she left me, forgetting the drive to drop her off at my ex’s house, and how dogs can’t drive, but neither can I. I did not choose that and neither did she. She was too wild and free for where I stay currently, and it is metaphoric in a way my choice to stay away, chained as I was to addiction, locking myself in a metaphoric hotel that represented the real hell of once being in a real hotel with the devil who is really my ex-boyfriend who wanted me to be everything I was not so much so, I realized everything I was not.

The dog who sits next to me now, knows all this, somehow or I feel she does. I came here, and was initially… I am ashamed to say bothered by her.. a tragic reminder of what I lost, as if it was something I owned.

I own no dog, but no one ever does, and the souls of the dogs of this world are very much the same in all their subtle differences, radiating love, unable to be felt by human beings because of their innate trust that only goes away if you are bad to them.

Reflecting on this makes me realize I did the right thing for you, my dear Fiona, and I love my mother’s dog the same way now that I still love you.

The silencer makes a whisper of the gunshot. I hold her close until she’s gone. I’ll never know what she was running from. I’ll cash her check in the morning.

frank miller

You should dye your hair red they say to Amanda, and I am in the back of her mind or screaming audibly in the sky, ask yourself why they are telling you to do this? She thinks I am being paranoid. I think I am being paranoid. I don’t think I am being paranoid. I don’t like this girl, and it looks like her hair is spray painted red for quick removal, like someone would do if they wanted to convince someone who is drunk to copy them as a cruel joke and then reveal they never did the thing at all, and they were never drunk to begin with, which we would have noticed if we weren’t always so drunk, every day.

The girl with the red hair has a name, but I am not saying it to protect the paranoia of my other drafter, she did terrible things to me and Amanda.

A rumor spreads about me having red hair. A rumor spreads about someone jacking cars who has red hair. A rumor spreads that I was seen at the scene. I wasn’t. I was in the hospital being treated for MRSA, from an infection that came from dirty drugs.

It’s funny the things people I have known have done to protect their addictions. Screw that. I like coffee better anyway, at least it doesn’t come with blood in it.

You killed I will make sure your blood is… oh that’s right you don’t have that because you have no legs to stand on, no place to land on, and need me to hit any vein at all, you can’t even make a call to get sauced or star crossed so get lost! My eyes are mine not thine, and I am no longer resigned to die, because I like life. I am no longer addicted to human strife, no I am addicted of stab pain with KNIFE, but I can’t do that so… because that is not real, and I am no longer a prisoner of feel,

I am now becoming more real, no longer need to steal or lie, I can take out your stupid eye or can’t I because you don’t have one. You see through me, which is sad, because I can’t see clearly, is your vision blurry ****? Her’s a fix, get in ditch.

End transmission.

I think I am starting to learn how to feel again, or for the first time. I didn’t remember what this was like, or technically… I don’t know if I have ever felt this at all. The kid died when I was actively using and I never heard about it because I was too busy getting high to even be worth telling, wow, gut punch. If nothing else… this is more reason than ever that I believe there is something behind this. That something wants all living things to live in greater harmony and experience less pain.

I am listening to my family talk about the kid, I knew him personally, just didn’t know he was a drug addict like me. I didn’t bother to ask, because I was always so wrapped up in my own life to have friends, I had dealers and using buddies, and was a friend to no one. I am going to try to change that from now on. I am done being negative, till I forget and start ranting again.

Damien

I stick stones in lollipops made of glass, that look like men made of glass, standing up right with open mouth screaming white smoke, toke and choke on time lost, my cost is the tossed life of the sauced who living in strife consume life in toke of fire smoke. I am the act of spending time collecting dimes to spend on dimes that waste time by turning it on it’s head till you are dead form drifting through land of screaming men.

I am the eyes of friend, so frayed and decayed, he forgets his own name. I am slain by the hand of item time, or meth mind spelling words wrong, I am song rearranged by chopping into pieces, like rocks burned in glass isn’t life a gas? It is for the dead walking, forever talking of nothing, singing songs and saying words that have no meaning, just screaming, because we forget what it means to talk when we stalk death with lack of sleep, we are afraid to die so we lie down never and lie always and forever.

I am sad but glad to get out of myself, I see my generation on a shelf of caskets, and I am screaming your are dying not climbing. High yes, but high enough to die. Please get down, your mind is fizzing because it is breaking, there is no lifting in your shifting to zombie.

Come back down. Please, before you hit the ceiling and break into a thousand peices.

I have noticed a change in my daughter, not just today, but ongoing. I am starting to realize that she is not just drawn to her mother, but looks to me too when I do not know she is watching me, I think a lot of it is she reads this thing when I am not on here, all 6 hours of it.

I am trying to keep it positive sometimes too, but I think the emotional honesty thing is good too. She seems to accept both of us for the flawed creatures we are, which is great because I can’t even fully accept myself yet. I am learning to, actually through her love, she is teaching me that hating myself does not but turn me inward and outward in cyclical resentment fighting them then me and then drinking or using alone.

I am trying to be honest for that very reason, but it is hard. I love lying. I don’t know why, power assertion is a big problem for me, I am such a fearful person, I thought I was the opposite, isolating myself felt like an act of dominance, like I was keeping others from hurting me, because I needed no one. I realize now that is not true, and was the opposite, the act of assertion being a raw fear based act.

I am sorry for this, and sorry that I will likely still do it, it is a hard habit to break.

Damien

I am doing good today, I am having fun releasing rage through positive messages, I think it is better for me to do it this way. I have learned to laugh for the first time in my life, I am able to look in the mirror for the first time in my life. I can finally eat without wanting to throw up. I am doing so much better, but also prone to doing so much worse. I am learning to love myself for the first time, not in the way I was obsessed with myself before, but just an acceptance, and I think the best part of it is, I am getting farther and farther from the place I was that drove me to use. I don’t miss it at all.

I have even tried to romance my drug and drinks of choice, which sad to say were any of them, and it makes me sad and sick. I am so thankful most of the time, at the very least for the clarity of mind to be emotionally honest, and work everyday to be better, even if I fail at least I am trying, honestly for the first time in my whole life.

Thank you everybody, my higher power included, as always I am reminded of how much I owe this to everyone who helped me, especially those on this blog community. I love you and do not even know you, if you ever need me, I am always here.

Love,

Damien

I wasn’t going to do it, but I have just spent the last however long, rocking back and forth about to freaking vomit. This sucks. I am so glad it will be over soon, if anyone is wondering this is happening because I compromised my kidneys, liver, bladder and had to get my gall bladder removed because of drugs and alcohol.

I can’t feel my hands that well because of lack of circulation due to drug use, and I am missing three finger tips. I feel like trash.

I get the infections from chronic MRSA which I have because of being an IV drug user for 8 years or so.

I have stomach damage from bad vodka, and whiskey, so I have acid reflux a lot, and I have a tooth that is killing me because I ripped someone off and they punched me in the face and split an already split in half tooth all the way to the root, which I left like that for 6 months.

Sorry

Damien.

Trigger warning, strong caution. Not literal, if you are upset by this kind of thing do not view. I am writing to process repressed self-hatred due to being born in the wrong body, this post is directed at my female form.

Isn’t that neat?

Sorry **** you ripped me off, I don’t care that your face is soft, like mine

BECAUSE MINE IS NOT.

Look, how my fist got caught on yours, my fist not his, you wanted to play a little game didn’t you baby, calling your crazy friend, and then telling your girlfriend will deal with it.

I am not your girl friend honey.

Sorry, baby just wanted your money, well and your cocaine, oh the disdain of the female brain that is now in such pain. You think I care?

I told you who I was and you called me a liar. Now look your soul is on fire, is it too good for you baby? Making you a little itchy and a little crazy, welcome to my world, my sweet little liar.

Your soul is now on fire. I loved you but you never loved me, you told me you did, but never really, I was your toy when your boyfriend hit you.

Now you scream on the corner screaming look what you let him do?

You did this to yourself, you think I did this to you????

I loved you.

You hated me and used me, and you want to talk to me about humiliation?

You only wanted me for derived sensation.

https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/147335988/posts/14253

I speak with timorous voice, I am sorry I am a coward I don’t have a choice, so lacking any courage I speak of being discouraged and propelled by the resentment of self. I am a very selfish creature, destruction of myself has been main feature, of life fated to die, trying to stab out my eyes because bravery is something I am lacking. I am prone to vicious attacking, if you know me, you see that’s armor I am stacking in loads piled high stacked up to the sky, I build fortress around my dark eyes.

I do not sleep because I am scared, I used things to keep my lids bare, not a lid on them would be, because sleep I didn’t need, I was addicted to running in fear.

Now I am different today, in a place with a door do I stay, I don’t have to run, I have learned to have fun, and banished the pain in my sore legs.

What is the last thing you learned?

I think that is why this bothers me so much, maybe. You don’t stop learning until you die. I think that might be a little melodramatic, maybe… I don’t think this website wants to assume they are getting to hear the thoughts of a dying man, which would not be a terrible thing either… I guess…. because then at least… well… someone would get to hear them?

Last thing I learned…

That it is important to follow the rules, so that is why I am re-doing this post…

Along that line of thought, I learned to not be lazy and that I can do an AA day count on my computer and bring it to the meetings that I go to even though I personally don’t like counting days, there is something to be said for the reverence to structure that in this case is my personal revelation that is not personal at all, powered by God and recovery to shut up and listen.

There, I followed the rules.

Peace.

Damien

The late hours of the night are so much more peaceful now, thank you God.

I am so grateful to be sitting here, able to get up without people thinking I am going into the bathroom to fire heroin into my arm, I am thankful they are seeing a change in me, because I want so bad for my existence to cause no more pain on this planet, than it already has, thank you God and to anyone who has helped me in any of this.

I am elated to be in the quiet of my house with my family sleeping soundly instead of killing themselves of me killing me, and me being pissed because I think they are being selfish for not wanting my arms to stop being covered with sleeves in the summer when I hate long sleeves but I am cold all the time, no longer.

I am so grateful for this. I am able to type right now instead of having a bed time like a child because I am no longer in a shelter.

I am so happy.

Thank you.

Damien

Do I make you think of stop and go, baby, do I make you feel like you are few

You are doing okay, okay.

You are new at this, fire kissed

Soul of gaping healing hole

I don’t know what I am doing I am so tired of making stew

I know I am you

Is that how this works

Yes, you are doing good at not being a

JERK
You may snap at people but they know it means nothing

Just say you are sorry and move on

That’s okay it goes on? I don’t think that is true

Yes it is I am telling you

I lost my train of thought I am derailed un sailed a life of GARBAGE PAIL
I am metal kettle tea tea tea does it does taste like

POISON HONEY?????
ISN’T

it’s sunny outside

I think I am going for

HEROIN

You are insane

Well, yes….

Clearly………………..

!#JO:Jo;vwo;rjgo;jeohw;q;

This **** has no

LEGS LEGS

BETTER GET

MOVE IT

Shorty

MOVE IT

How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?

Then you tell me to go away, and I won’t I will watch you, as you tell her you know what’s best for us, her, you say weak demon that you are… you tell her I am every person whoever hurt her.

I don’t even have hands, and why would I kill myself? I live in her mind, that makes

NO SENSE

And she believes because

HEROIN

GO AWAY DAMIEN
Did it save you honey, is it making all of this funny instead of being what it is, with your nose runny with blood from his kiss of

FIST

You don’t punch back because he is ****

That lacks soul, or a reeking soul caged lack of man manifesting in a soul not whole.

YOU WILL NOT TOUCH ME
I WILL
GO AWAY
GET AWAY FROM US
DON’T TOUCH HER

She doesn’t belong to you, Damien you are the devil, it is in your name.

My name means tame.

She belongs to me now.

She is a human being sir, not an answer to the cancer that is your chaotic soul.

I AM HER TOO. DON’T YOU DARE TELL ME TO GET OUT OF A BODY THAT IS HALF MINE

Sorry, Amanda.

I get it.

DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH ME

She is not you, Damien, you are the devil.

THAT WAS A MOVIE DUMMY
YOU ONLY WANT HER MONEY FOR

HEROIN

I am saving the heroine.

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2023/03/04/your-daily-word-prompt-bluster-ydwordprompt-march-4-2023/

To the bluster of the ever rusted madman of the night, to the wet feather dust

ERERER

Error.

Rain. Rain. Reign of blustering pain.

Blustery day, blustering decay, I love you, I know not I do.

I

Oh so free, are you, you know not what you do?

ISN’T THAT TRUE
ISN’T IT
TELL ME KNOW LIAR
HOW YOU PLAY WITH FIRE
THIEF OF ****
BENT OVER IN DOUBLING PAIN
YOU ARE THE HUMAN STAIN

erase erase erase, delete, delete delete

me me me i i i i i me me me

Be be be be be

Be asserting be strong be free

I ONLY WANT YOU TO SEE ME!!!!

YOU ARE A LIAR AND A THIEF
YOU ARE NOT HUMAN AND FROM BENEATH

you are really mean please leave me alone please leave me alone

I need you to leave me alone!!

ALONE!!!!!!

On a bluster filled day, I DECAY.

I can’t make them go away, I can just type them down, you see ever so clearly, they are in front of me and that makes them foolish instead of

JARRING JARRING
SOUL IN JAR

I can talk to you to, but chose this, this approach, a kind host of a dissing ease, seems to please you to the point of end of

transmission

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2023/03/04/your-daily-word-prompt-bluster-ydwordprompt-march-4-2023/

I live in a land of bluster, of never feather duster, of dirty, of unclean, of eternally mean bad dream, and horrible as I seem, I am also very mean

I mean to say I am storm, I am not calm that is for sure, I am arrogant and life’s a chore. I live for me, you see, perpetual and free to be

CHAINED PRISONER OF DISSING ME AND YOU
IHATEMEANDYOUTOO

But, that is not always true, I am hurr of whirring Cain.

I am the acid rain. I am the will to pain.

I am the will of dying you.

I am dying to, oh look at me a storm.

I am forever scorn. I am life unborn and sure isn’t it sad for me too?
I am just like you

But I am not because the blood in my vain veins runs hot with

Heroine,

Hold the e, for poetic censor me.

heroic fire storm of hero reborn out of death storm of blustering decay.

But, getting better blustery day go

Away

End Transmission.

Addict in transition

Damien/Amanda.

If you look at this, a picture which I altered to imitate what I saw a couple moments ago, you will notice at the bottom the grey part of the screen, this is not what I saw when looking in the camera. I am insane, so there is a large chance, I just incurred another 250$ down the ******* drain. There is a chance, that the blue light I am seeing in the replacement of the grey you see is not there, and that my wife is going to kill me for taking a hammer to a motel room wall.

I like this band, they are weird, and very distracting from the current wall situation.

But, I swear I didn’t put a hole in it… I thought about it and the hole in the wall appeared and it is not like the grey at all but a hole into a hollow area. I am done with it for now, so I moved a picture over it and I am hoping Rei doesn’t notice.

Later

The idiot

PS I have no self control.

I am here just for you, I am wise and I am smart

I will eat your daughters heart

I come in colors, I come in song

I come in pink so follow along

I am the best

I am a test

I am act of never rest

I am present all the time

I exist in song

I stink in rhyme

I am human spun in time

I am chaos of the mind

I am infliction

I am not fiction

I am just speaking in clear diction

I am the best I am the quest

I am the act of never-ness

You are mine, don’t you see.

Everything you love belongs to me.