I used to look in the mirror and see myself, and I would look into my own eyes, and swear I could see me winking at me, and then I would black out and become someone else, and wake up doing and saying things I didn’t mean, that were not violent they just didn’t make sense, and I never hurt anyone physically, but just embarrassed myself, and I think that is what this is all about, it is about the fact that I have something wrong with me that makes people look at me different, and it is easier for me if that is because I caused it. I preferred to scare people away, before they ran away because I lash out at people, think things that are not true and am literally always living in a reality that in some way is not real, it was easier to be completely unreal, and violent towards myself and hate others, so I could fund things that took me away from how I feel.

I built my life around drugs after getting my degree, I literally gave up at 21 and was content with getting hammered and then doing coke and uppers and then my ex and I broke up the first one that I lived with, and I ripped him off for 950 dollars and bought heroin.

I lived with this person who I used with for 3 or 4 years, in a glorified trap house, and then moved out because he ripped me off with another person who lived with me on the streets till I started getting ripped off by him and then left and walked from Oregon to Cali.

The stories you will read on here going forward are mostly from Cali. I lived on the streets there for a couple months by myself. It was very interesting.

Damien

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I am watching TV with my family, well taking a break from it for the second, to write to you, whoever you are. My family being my real one, not the one I lied about.

I am sorry for that. My friend told me that honesty is important. I think I was making myself worse, but I am really sad, and I wanted to have something so bad I made it up, and then ran out of things to say about it, because I stopped needing it, which means I am getting better I guess… I have started helping my mother, with starting a business reselling things, I am going to start going to therapy. I have friends now… I just go back and forth, and fantasy is a way for me to escape. The thing is I have a hard time with the whole powerlessness thing. I don’t like it, but someone I know was telling me just being honest with myself helps. I think that this is where I should start. My friends thought it was funny that I found it easier to pretend to be a serial killer online, than to say I am an alcoholic/addict in recovery.

I just have so much rage at those who took advantage of me at the very end, that it was easier, making myself into some sort of masked avenger. I am not that, I was just and am just an angry lunatic with drug and alcohol addiction who disowned their family to live on the streets and commit petty crime to fund my addiction.

That is it plain and simple. I will reveal more in poetic metaphor because I am paranoid because I have mental problems.

Damien