Alcoholism

A child in their teens poses a question in this novel I am reading, that I feel compelled to answer, because I feel it applies to me.

Had all those homeless people in the parks and subways of Manhattan, just not paid attention in class?

Lisa Unger, Darkness My Old Friend

No, Willow. I paid attention in class, I have a MA in Public Policy and graduated with 3.43. I have an minor in philosophy, and my BA is in Political Science, which I graduated with a 3.2 in because I was drinking heavily the whole time.

I paid attention in class, but realized that Political Science caused me to drink and use drugs, but it is the only subject other than fiction and Philosophy that interested me, because it was about the nature of man. I found myself with nothing to do with my life because the system was criminal, or I thought it to be, so I decided if I could not get behind it, I would slowly die, on the streets. I am not a brave person, but I am recovering from mindslaying fear, and going to use my writing to do something positive eventually.

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Daily writing prompt

How has technology changed your job?

View all responses

The internet thinks I have a job, that is great.

I have no job, internet.

But, if I did it would be this blog, and helping my friend sell her items, helping my family start a re-sale business, so…

I guess it gave me a job?

Employer-self

Enabled by the world wide web of

Uncrossing the webs of lies of a liar.

Thank you internet, I appreciate it.

https://sammiscribbles.wordpress.com/2023/03/25/weekend-writing-prompt-304-mail/

I turn on my computer, and open a word file, got mail from myself.

YOU SUCK, and I hope you die.

Schizophrenic email is awesome, so glad I opened it.

I have been courted all my life, to dance with loaded gun or held knife at my Neck, by myself, on a shelf, which of course is what I think because, baby I ****ing stink, I smell booze, in heart and soul, still drunk but dry, sometimes I know.

I reek of anger, creaking madness, rocking back and forth epic sadness, dark reflection, not staring at mirror, but bashing crashing and dying in epic fear.

I am loaded gun, I am dark resistance, I am tragic, insistence, that though I am dry, I am GOD. I am responsible for divining rod, punishing me, I am insistence on trying to be my own

Maker

Breaker

Soul forsaken, breaking me, tragically, beginning to see how epic my failure is.. or simply that I am an addict who needs a higher power.

Facts.

Trigger Warning: About sex workers and drug addiction, and feelings of longing for love, but also needing drugs in active addiction of heroin/speed/alcoholic addict physically dependent on substances to remain not physically ill…About selling love for money, and the effect it has on the soul and damaging effect on ability to find real love.

https://wordpress.com/tag/thursday-inspiration

Item Eyes See Itemization of Love, which is not sent from above

Tick- prick- stick-pin prick- Oh, that felt, like-

I will never be loved until I love myself,

But also like I need no one else other than me, because I can buy love with time and money, minutes spent on standing on a corner holding a sign or getting in cars with strangers, or peddling

POISON

I will never be loved until I love myself

I will never be loved until I love myself

I hate myself

I hate myself

I hate myself

Stop. The clock will not move forward in a state of

Click.

Click.

Look back, it is important to remember and forgive not remember. remember. remember. romance the drug. resent. romance the drug. use.

Need to find a middle ground, recognize what you did, admit it and move on.

Click go.