Dear God,

Tonight helped a lot but I am still feeling a lot of fear on a daily basis. I am afraid of many things, but mostly of being stuck in this phase that I am in forever, of being trapped in a state of perpetual transition, waiting while watching my life go by me. I am afraid I will have to compromise all my hopes and dreams, that everything in my life will be less than, that I will be less than because of everything I did in a previous stage in my life. To speak plainly, I am afraid that my past drug use will define me forever, and that I will never have anything like independence or freedom ever again.

I miss being happy. I miss feeling promise, feeling like my life meant something. I haven’t felt that since I was in graduate school. I know other people have gone through this. I know I am not the only one, but sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. I desperately want there to be a plan for me. I mean I want to know your plan for me, please guide my actions, help me get through this to do your will. I want to do whatever you would have me do. I am tired of guessing at what the right action is.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen