Dear God,

I am doing better today. I still have all the same paranoia. I am afraid a lot of the time and have very bad OCD, but it is getting a little bit easier to use the pause button and wait for the bad feelings to pass. I have been having productive conversations with my family about how to move forward, and am starting to see how much they want to try and help me, which is contrary to what I previously thought, that they were out to get me and wanted me to do things they knew were contrary to my own happiness.

I am trying to find you every day in little moments, when I hear something I had been asking you, or when things line up perfectly, but it is really hard to not come right back to the same feelings of doubt that I am so susceptible to feeling. I have a hard time trusting you with things I have no control over, because I am so used to things going wrong. I guess that is my fault, because I have been acting according to my own will my whole life, but it is hard to ‘let go and let God’ for me. I have so much overpowering doubt, that it is hard to trust anything outside of my own hands, which makes right now inherently frustrating for me, because everything is out of my hands right now.

I know things could be much worse. I thank you for how much better they are than that, but I just feel I am capable of so much more than I am doing right now. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen