Please help me find my way to a better place. I am struggling right now. I do not like the place I am in, in life. I guess I should use my coping skills and try to accept things how they are right now, knowing that they will not always be this way, but it is extremely hard. When I feel like this, I just focus on everything I did wrong to get me into the situation I am in, and I feel trapped and scared. This causes me to act irrationally and to ask for reassurance from other people, which must be irritating, but I am just so scared of nothing changing, even though that is completely irrational.
I have to learn to focus on the fact that even though it does not feel that way, the people around me love me, and don’t have it out for me, they may just want the best for me, and I may just not be able to see it.
God please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Please help me to find my way in life to a better place, both in physicality and in spirit. I am having such a hard time with acceptance. It is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. I have to believe in myself more. I have to believe in you more. Thank you for all your help so far. I appreciate having made it this far, even though it doesn’t seem like it sometimes.
I am just so scared of my family being an oppressive force in my life that I think I sometimes cast them in that light even though that is not what their intentions are. I need to stop doing that. Please continue to help me get better.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen
Herder of Swine 
3 responses to “Dear God,”
change is extremely slow, my focus is discipline cuz can’t climb a hill in a day broken, and it takes consistency to see any results. but then you gotta keep going if you fall off the wagon and also know when to rest. Sundays are a good for resting but then i’m like “the trash needs to be taken out” and have to force myself to shut down and light a candle and have a hot bath that doesn’t force me to do anything other than pray or breathe.
so schedules or routines are good but i am still developing those
i don’t like who i am or where i have been or what i have done to survive – so much so that i don’t store the dishes the same way anymore
i don’t want to be her (the one whose life was stolen)
now i’m just cleaning up the mess
and i get so mad i will likely make more messes to go with all the other messes
messy middle currently
not who i was, not who i am
LikeLike
I relate a lot to that. I don’t know who I am right now. I am not who I once was, but don’t want to be who I currently am either. I am hoping that this year I become who I am supposed to be, if that is even a thing. I am tired of wondering what I am supposed to do. I want to get to a place where it feels like my life has meaning again. Even though I don’t know if I ever felt like this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Helps me to pray for those who distress me. But it is difficult to break long term thinking habits. I ask God frequently to help me to think what is “true, honorable, right, pure, of good repute, anything of excellence or worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8).” And to “bring every thought captive up His lordship (2 Corinthians 10:5).” I’ve never found self-flagellation or condemnation helpful. It’s a process. Please ask the Holy Spirit for help and be kind to yourself. Hope this is helpful.
LikeLike