Dear God,

I hear your voice echoed in others and hear others who are farther than me in life urging me to get closer to you, saying that it will offer some sort of answer to everything. They say they find answers through you. I hope I can too. I really want to know what to do. I am so tired of feeling like my life is going nowhere and hope that people are not yanking my chain when they suggest that every life is fixable. Please help me fix this. I really want to fix this. Please help me find my purpose.

I must have survived for a reason. I know I did. I remember what it was like to be out there, homeless and addicted to drugs, and logically I don’t want to go back to that, but illogically I sometimes think about it, because I am so bored and feel so alone a lot of the time. I miss the feeling of connection I used to have when I was with him. I don’t miss him, but I miss that feeling, so much.

*Reader, he is the person I refer to as Rei.

I wonder if I will ever have that again… I miss it so much. I miss it more than drugs. I really hope there is a person out there for me, that I haven’t blown the opportunity to find that. I want that more than anything. I want to feel like I fit into this world again. Right now, I feel like I am pacing, and I just want to be walking alongside someone.

Amen